By Allison Marquina
As mothers, we want to do what is best for our children. We want to do our best to help them become the best versions of themselves so that they can experience happy and successful lives. We also know every child is different. When it comes to parenting techniques, what works for one child might not work for another. We might think we’ve figured out nap time but then our next child comes around and all the sudden the book, song, bed combination doesn’t work. This can be frustrating. However, there are principles that we as mothers can rely on to help guide us no matter the child. One way to look at these principles is through the well known fairytale, Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
Goldilocks finds herself in an empty home. As she explores, she tries the bears’ porridges, their chairs, and even their beds. Each time she experiences two different extremes until she finds “just right.” One porridge is too hot, the other is too cold, the last is just right. One bed is too hard, another too soft, the last is just right. The same can be said about different parenting styles.
Generally, there are considered to be three parenting styles. Authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative: too hard, too soft, and just right, in that order.
The “too hard” or “too hot” parenting style is referred to as authoritarian. This parenting style stems from a desire to control our child and their behaviors. This is the “because I said so” technique where rules are valued and prioritized and where there is not a lot of open communication with the child. Unfortunately, this parenting style can lead to children becoming more aggressive, having low self-esteem, not very self-reliant, and even rebellion as they grow older (https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/authoritarian_parenting_style).
On the opposite end of the spectrum, the “too soft” version, which is called permissive parenting. This is when parents show lots of love and affection for their children, but there are not a lot of boundaries or enforcement of rules. Though these children do tend to have higher self-esteem, they often lack responsibility, tend to be more selfish, and are more likely to experience anxiety and depression (https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/permissive_parenting_style).
We want a good balance, the “just right” parenting style. This is referred to as authoritative parenting. An authoritative parent has reasonable expectations for their children while also encouraging them to be independent and make their own decisions that are developmentally appropriate. There is a lot of love and open communication while also setting limits and boundaries. When we do our best to implement this type of parenting, our children are more likely to be responsible, able to manage their emotions, have high self-esteem, and are happier (https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/authoritative_parenting_style).
As you are trying your best to be the mom your child deserves, remember to give grace and forgiveness to you and your child. There will be times when you aren’t the best version of yourself and there will be times that no matter how good of a parent you are, your child will do what they want to do. Just do your best and remember that “tomorrow is another day” (Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchel).
Click the link to download the handout: Parenting Techniques Handout
Photo by David Brooke Martin on Unsplash
