By: Regan Barnes
“Will the baby learn to sleep? Will he figure out how to breastfeed? Will I know how to calm him when he cries? Can you warn me about some changes that I can’t foresee?”
My sweet friend was expecting her first baby and opened up to share some of her fears and see what consolation I might give. I listened to her in her moment of vulnerability and did my best to be sympathetic. I remember having those anxious feelings – and not just with my first pregnancy! Every time I was about to welcome a new human into earth life I had my concerns start wedging their way into my otherwise calm and confident brain.
I really only had one suggestion for my friend. It was something I learned symbolically but interestingly it has a very real tangible application!
“Here, hold this baby doll,” I said to her after picking up the one my toddler had left on the floor. She gave me a funny look but took it and tried to pretend it was a real baby.
“No, don’t cradle it in your arms – hold it at a distance, with your arms extended, as if it smells bad!”
This made her laugh a little – but she obeyed.
“How long do you think you can hold it like that?”
She just wrinkled her forehead, silently questioning my purpose.
“An hour? – No, probably not even ten minutes!”
“What would make it easier to hold the baby?”
“If I pull my arms in closer… at least, that would be a more natural way to hold it.”
“Yes, and it’s not just your elbows that would end up closer to you – the baby would be, too.”
I have so many memories of holding my baby when he wouldn’t sleep at night, pulling him in close to me. I held him close as he tried to figure out breastfeeding. I held him on my hip as I vacuumed, strategically applying pressure to his tummy to ease the colic. His cries couldn’t compete with the noise, and eventually he quieted down.
Yes, having a baby can bring all sorts of fears to the surface and make us doubt our abilities. But all we really need to do is hold that baby close. Pull in our elbows, decrease the distance between us – and this is true for teenagers, too. Cuddle and snuggle and trust that as he hears my heartbeat, he’ll recognize my love for him. It makes the baby easier to hold for longer time frames, both literally and symbolically!