By Esperanza DeLaLuz

“I am just a mom.” I hurt when I hear someone say that! Mothers do the most important job on earth when they raise healthy, happy, productive children. Abraham Lincoln, our great president, said, “All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

What not everyone knows is that the angel mother to whom he refers is actually his stepmother. His birth mother died when he was nine and, the following year, his father remarried. Sarah had children of her own, yet she was a loving and devoted mother to all of the children, and she especially nurtured Abraham in his desire to learn and read. 

This is a comforting thought to those of us who are stepmothers, aunts, foster moms, and grandmothers, or who are in other positions of nurturing. The task of mothering is not only the province of those who give birth. To “mother”—which is defined as “to look after kindly and protectively”—is incredibly demanding, and just as incredibly—and critically—important. To mother is a noble task and those who participate in it, to any extent, are doing a great and valuable work.

However, in the midst of diapers, tantrums, mischief, and defiance, it may be a challenge to feel that one is engaged in a noble task. Often it feels like we are in “survival mode.” Roseann Barr once joked that if her children were alive at the end of the day, she had done her job as a mother. 

I know for every mother there are days which feel like that. On those days, it can help to remember Abraham Lincoln’s feelings about his “angel mother,” and recognize that someday it may be your influence that sways the world. 

The next time you are deciding whether to scrub the crayon mural off the wall or frame it, remember Sarah Bush Johnston Lincoln, and mother on!

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

One day, my 12 year old son came to me, telling me he was tired of getting reprimanded. Now, he’s a good kid with a great sense of humor. He has excellent work ethic and is very thorough *when* he does his chores.

This particular day, he hadn’t yet done his chores even after several reminders… and as he voiced his concern, I had to agree that I had indeed been getting on him quite a bit for his annoying actions towards his siblings.

I never intended to be the kind of mother who points out everything my child is doing wrong. I also regretted focusing on his faults, since I buy into the concept that what you focus on increases! I took a deep breath and hugged him and suggested we have a chat, assuring him that I knew one of his talents is his willingness to talk things over!

We discussed what kinds of actions were getting him into trouble. As our conversation continued, it became clear that he had been so busy bugging his brothers and sisters that he ran out of time to do his chores.

I decided to take what we were learning and phrase it more positively:

When you’re busy doing the things you’re supposed to be doing, you won’t have time to get in trouble!

I can think of all sorts of ways this applies to life! Not just the life of a sweet 12 year old who is feeling worn down, but to all of us who struggle with guilt. Sometimes I’m so aware of my imperfections and basically, reprimand myself all day — that it sucks away my energy to accomplish the good stuff. 

So I’m going to start taking my own advice and flip that dynamic to my benefit. I’m going to be so busy with the good stuff that the bad stuff will naturally get cut out of my time-limited day. I won’t have time to scowl, yell, and complain because I’ll be too busy being grateful, giving compliments and encouragement, and smiling instead.

Mom, try replacing the things that get you in trouble with good things that you’re supposed to be doing! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Paul Skorupskas on Unsplash

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I’m starting out with a Confession: I haven’t always liked the holiday season — my husband is adorable — he has a childlike fascination with the festivities of winter and it is a sweet blessing to watch his whole-hearted devotion to all things Christmas. I have to keep working to overcome dregs of childhood memories when my mom was too stressed out by anything money related because she was single. 

Part of the problem, I confess, is that we end up with too much stuff — and I really don’t like clutter… Especially paying money to get more clutter! 

It’s my own fault! I want to make our children’s dreams come true! So I buy them the plastic toys and anxiously await the momentary glitter in their eyes when they tear open the wrapping paper!  Then they give Santa all the credit… I’m not bitter, though!

Ahem, 

So, my point is that over the years I have learned to give memories rather than stuff! For example, one year, I gave my daughters the gift of attending a mother/daughter retreat at a mansion at Bear Lake!

It was slightly more expensive than what we normally budget for Christmas gifts, but they won’t outgrow the fun we had, I won’t ever have to pick it up off the floor or give it to Goodwill or throw it away because it got broken!

Oh, and Santa won’t get the credit for it!!

Moms, as the Christmas season approaches, brainstorm: What memories can you give as gifts? How about going to a concert together? Getting season tickets to your favorite sports team? Signing up for a class together, maybe kickboxing at the gym or a second language at the local community college… A camping trip or a cruise? The key word is “together” and that’s how memories are made. Please share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash