Regan Barnes - Momivate

Stop Saying Okay, Okay?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

There’s a phrase that I like to hear as often as possible from my children…

“Okay, Mommy.”

I love to hear it because it means my child has agreed to whatever torture or punishment I have inflicted upon them… brushing teeth, for instance, or having to read a book before getting screen time. These are things that I consistently request from my children, and I love it when they decide that it’s okay.

But I also hear myself saying “Okay” often…. which may be where my kids have picked up on it. I’m glad I’ve set a good example in that sense.

However, I’m not sure I always use the word “Okay” in the right context… for example:

“We’re going to get your pajammies on now, okay?”

“Let’s go brush your teeth, okay?”

“You need to read a book BEFORE watching a movie, okay?”

What does my “Okay” in these circumstances get across to my children?

Is there really a choice in the matter? What if they’re inclined to say, “No, Mom, that’s NOT Okay,” would I rescind the request? Change my plans to fit my child’s lack of willingness to obey?

I’ve determined that I need to pay close attention to my use of the word “Okay” — and stop tacking it on the end of the instructions I’m giving.

If my “Okay” means “Do you understand?” then I need to replace it with, “Do you understand?”

I’ve been working on dropping the Okay from my instruction sentences for awhile now, and it’s a tough habit to change. I just repeat to myself: “Stop saying Okay all the time, Okay?!”

Mama, what verbal messages are you sending that you might not really want to be sending? Brainstorm some alternatives and start conscientiously enhancing your communication! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Tim Wildsmith on Unsplash

Does a smart phone have to doom kids to dumbness?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Is it a coincidence that mobile phones are also called CELL phones, like a JAIL CELL?! If you worry that your children are doomed to be prisoners locked in a phone-sized dungeon of potentially damaging perplexities, consider a cell phone contract.

I first heard this concept back in 2009. JoAnn Hamilton, while reporting about the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families, presented a Cell Phone Safe Use Agreement. The words “Safe” and “Protection” inspired me to clip that newspaper article and, when a child of mine reaches the age of 14 and shows a certain degree of responsibility, they are allowed to purchase a cell phone and pay the monthly service fee AFTER they sign this agreement:

1. My communication will be true, helpful, and kind, NEVER rude or bullying. I will never use vulgar or sexual language, and will block anyone who uses such language with me.

2. I recognize that there is no such thing as privacy with regards to the internet. Whether I intend it or not, any of my texts, images, or posts can end up anywhere in the world, whether I know it or not.

3. I acknowledge that people can use the internet to be deceptive about themselves and their intentions. It is fully impossible to know whether the people I’m communicating with are or aren’t who they say they are. For my safety, I will not share any personal information, including my date of birth, address, or specifics about places I frequent such as school, church or work.

4. My parents will have full access to my phone at any time, knowing all my passwords. They can read texts and see my social networking posts. I will respect their input and feedback about what I post. My parents will set up hours and places of use/non-use, such as not using it in a bedroom or bathroom, during school, etc. I will accept whatever consequences I earn, and will work to earn and keep the trust that my parents need to have in me.

Mama, if you’ve been harboring a prisoner of a cell phone, set them free through this contract! Print it out, read and discuss it together, sign it and post it where you can both refer to it often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

Inspirational Quote (Gratitude)

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Can Eyebrows Raise Children?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I once attended the funeral of a mother of many children even though I didn’t know her personally, but because I knew a few of her children and wanted to show my support to them. I listened intently as her daughter praised her mother’s disciplinary methods, which must have been effective considering how those of her adult children that I knew were kind, loving, solid people. The most memorable quip that I still remember several years later was:

She Raised Us with her Eyebrow

I happen to have plentiful eyebrows. I have to pluck them so they don’t grow into one big eyebrow. I’ll include a photo of myself if you promise not to covet my natural beauty.

In spite of my God-given eyebrows, I do not feel like they give me any sort of edge when it comes to raising my children… in fact, I have to watch myself and make sure these eyebrows of mine are not constantly scowling.

Aha! Maybe that’s a clue!

Maybe making sure *my* eyebrows are raised — raised in delight, or in a welcome-home smile, or gratitude… or perhaps just silly quizzical goofiness!

The more I think about it, the more I realize how important the raising of my eyebrows can be in contrast to raising my voice. Raising an eyebrow to show concern, like “Do you really want to continue making that mistake?” Raising an eyebrow of warning, “Try to think ahead about where your current actions may lead…”

I’ve decided that even though I never met that mother, I want to be like her. It seems that being at her funeral ultimately allowed me to be uplifted — or shall we say raised?! — by her eyebrows, too!

Mom, what signals are your facial expressions sending to your children? Try raising your eyebrows or the corners of your mouth more often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Can we get away with never doing chores again?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I confess: I hate the word “chores.” I’ll bet most people do. It’s just filled with drudgery that weighs you down the moment you think it. Ugh.

And so, in our house, we try really hard never to do chores. Instead, we take FLYLady‘s advice and we “Bless Our Home.”

We have gone through various chore charts and systems — what I’ve figured out is, no system works unless I do!

Yup, that’s MY job as the mom, is to execute whatever system is posted on the fridge at the moment. I have to be the one to rally the troops…

On regular weekdays, I aim for Sloppy Success rather than Perfect Failure… got that one from Hannah Keeley). I leave the “be thorough” expectation for Saturday’s BIG Bless Our Home.

I try to set a good example for my kiddos by whistlin’ while I work — although, really, I can’t whistle, so instead I make up silly songs about whatever chore, errr, whatever way I’m blessing the house at the moment. Imagine what kinds of silly rhymes I have to come up with for “garbage” or “dishwasher?”

Recently, I created a parody of the Beauty and the Beast song “Be Our Guest” replacing those words with “Bless Our Home!”

Of course, there are times when I can’t bring myself to sing, maybe I’m just having a low energy day or I’m a little overwhelmed by the repetition and magnitude of the task of keeping a home even just somewhat tidy. I usually can still manage to ward off the grumpiness by turning my voice robotic. We all would love to have a robot do our chores, right?!

Fellow Mom, are you willing to give up chores and try “Blessing Your Home” this week, maybe even singing as you go? Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash