Regan Barnes - Momivate

How to Train your Elephant?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I once learned a useful child-rearing trick at a zoo.

The zookeeper was displaying the elephant’s ability to obey certain commands. Sometimes the elephant wasn’t cooperating, though.

The zookeeper explained: “We just ignore it when the elephant doesn’t cooperate. We don’t punish. Just ignore. Then we repeat the command, in exactly the same tone. When the elephant responds correctly, we praise and reward.”

Now, I don’t want to over-simplify — that can be faulty in and of itself — so I still sometimes give negative consequences to my kiddos. However, I have found the concept of ignoring to be valid overall.

There is power in simply acting as though my child didn’t just scream NO as loudly as an elephant’s trumpet. When I choose not to react, the power of his tantrum deflates. Does that mean he’ll stop right away? Not necessarily. But the encounter will end far better — and sooner — if I don’t get sucked into the violent vortex of high emotion.

Staying calm, pretending my child has not responded, then simply repeating my request in a mild tone, again if necessary. When my child chooses to cooperate, I praise, reward, and sincerely thank that precious child of mine.

I don’t think the elephant gets thanked. I added that part. But I hereby thank the zookeeper for teaching me how to train my little elephants!!

Mom, doing nothing requires intention, ironically. Next time your child is going wild, pretend you don’t notice. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

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What if Book Club wasn’t really about the Books?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I. LOVE. MY. BOOK. CLUB.

More accurately, I love the women who attend the club.

I do enjoy reading books and discussing them — it’s a great challenge for my brain to

1. Manage my time effectively to the point where I can fit in reading a book a month

2. Pay close enough attention to what I am reading so I can share some thoughts about it

However, when it comes right down to it, I would get together with these women even if it were a knitting club.

Admittedly, knitting is also a challenge for my brain.

My overall point of this, though, is how grateful I am for these women. They are busy moms. Yet they take time out to bless my life by sharing their thoughts, their wisdom, their talents.

Ya see, it’s a multi-faceted book club — we actually spend the first hour or so doing things not related to the book. We eat — it’s ALWAYS a potluck. We share each other’s good news — as well as our challenges. And THEN we discuss the book — solid discussions, with lots of insights and applications to our lives.

It’s like an intellectual challenge wrapped up in a hug!

I cherish my time with these women, whose wise words come home with me and help me in my efforts as a mom.

Momivate has a goal to offer something similar to each of you! We hope to start small groups of 8-10 moms who gather regularly to SMILE together (SMILE is an acronym for Support, Music, Inspiration, Laughter, and Education). If you’d like to help us start this program, sign up on the website to become a Momivator!

We need one another, Mamas! We need to SMILE more often and more purposefully. Let’s work together to get this program up and going, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Natalie Sierra on Unsplash

Are Your Brain Bones Connected To Your Silly Bones?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

As moms, we often notice family dynamics that aren’t necessarily positive. As moms, we often feel like we need to take charge and change up those dynamics — and if we can do so in a positive, non-threatening manner and tone, it’s easier to be patient as the dynamic generally requires time to be adjusted.

One situation we have had to work on in our family is when the kids come home from school… They’re so happy and relieved to be home, and of course, they need their hands free so they can hug me! So they drop their coat and backpack on the floor right in front of the door. Then they go about getting a snack … and the coat and backpack are left to be booby-traps, ready to trip the poor unassuming person who happens to come home next.

I decided that my kids’ brains need to be connected to their hands, so that when their hands are ready to let go of any given object, their brains send out a red alert, “Wait! Don’t let go until the item is where it belongs!!!”

Now, I tend to think that my children’s brains, although not fully-formed, really do know where things belong. However, their brains just aren’t aware of what’s happening down at the end of the arms.

So that’s when we put our hands on our heads and say in the spirit of that old folk song, “Brain bones connected to the hand bones!”

Moms, try being silly with your kids to help them learn a new habit, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

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Did You Know That Saving Money Can Give You Endorphins?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Today’s tip is a book report. I’m going to share with you an older book called The Complete Tightwad gazette. The author is named Amy Decision. That’s how you pronounce it like the word decision, but it’s spelled DACYZCYN (and we have a link to purchase it on amazon on our affiliate page!) So many of the principles are timeless that you’ll barely notice that it’s a classic from the 90s.

Amy has lived such a thrifty life, so she has a wealth of information to share, and she has fun sharing it — her writing is witty and inviting.

Sometimes the subject of saving (not spending) can come across as depressing, and requiring rigorous self discipline. In Amy’s book, however, economizing is an adventure! She’s guiding us on a pursuit to find creative and ingenious ways to combat how expensive life is. We feel like celebrating every time she helps us figure out how to pinch those pennies.

Amy is also primarily a mom, so it definitely feels like everything applies to our current profession: there are birthday party ideas, insights on how to grocery shop effectively and go garage saleing; she covers, fixing up the house from decor to repairs. There are recipes and even instructions on how to make up your own recipes. Traveling often seems out of the question for those of us on a strict budget, but she even addresses this topic in a way that opens the way. She even teaches us how to save TIME, since, after all: Time is money.

And that’s why Momivate shares our tips in just two minutes, so that you have time left to practice what we preach!

Read Amy’s book, Mama, then share if this elevates your mothering!

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Eye of the Mommy

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Remember that catchy tune “Eye of the Tiger” from the Rocky III movie?

I confess, I haven’t actually seen Rocky III… but I have been developing the Eye of the Mommy… let me explain!

For many years, I was unable to see messes. I was so absorbed in the present task (making more of a mess) that I didn’t pay much attention to existing messes. This kind of blindness is a blessing to some extent because the messy environments of mothering eight kids don’t phase me. But being comfortable in my own mess doesn’t make my family and friends feel comfortable, so in that sense it has been more of a curse… So I have been trying to improve my “mess-vision” and now I have “The Eye of the Mommy!”

Hoping to give my children a head-start in life and not have to be embarrassed into cleanliness, I have been figuring out how to instill in my offspring the desire –and ability– to be tidy.

I’ve taught my kids that after they’ve completed a job, they need to have it inspected. That’s the order it is supposed to go in: finish first, then get inspected. Sometimes, though, they ask for an inspection and when I go to do it, it’s clear the job has NOT been completed very thoroughly. So, now when they report that they’re ready for inspection, I respond:

“Did you use the Eye of the Mommy?”

They’ll often go back and work again for a few minutes… and that’s okay! They’re learning how to *see* messes on their own! I personally know that improving that eyesight is a gradual process…

Sometimes, it seems there’s an eyepatch on my own “Eye of the Mommy” and our home is not as tidy as it could be. And that’s okay. Really! An important purpose can be served in allowing the kids to suffer from the opposite of cleanliness! They’ll be more able to appreciate when our home is clean — and more interested in doing the cleaning!

Moms, try encouraging your children to use the Eye of the Mommy next time and see if they can upgrade their chore performance on their own! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Danielle Alvarado on Unsplash