“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie
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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I once attended the funeral of a mother of many children even though I didn’t know her personally, but because I knew a few of her children and wanted to show my support to them. I listened intently as her daughter praised her mother’s disciplinary methods, which must have been effective considering how those of her adult children that I knew were kind, loving, solid people. The most memorable quip that I still remember several years later was:
I happen to have plentiful eyebrows. I have to pluck them so they don’t grow into one big eyebrow. I’ll include a photo of myself if you promise not to covet my natural beauty.
In spite of my God-given eyebrows, I do not feel like they give me any sort of edge when it comes to raising my children… in fact, I have to watch myself and make sure these eyebrows of mine are not constantly scowling.
Aha! Maybe that’s a clue!
Maybe making sure *my* eyebrows are raised — raised in delight, or in a welcome-home smile, or gratitude… or perhaps just silly quizzical goofiness!
The more I think about it, the more I realize how important the raising of my eyebrows can be in contrast to raising my voice. Raising an eyebrow to show concern, like “Do you really want to continue making that mistake?” Raising an eyebrow of warning, “Try to think ahead about where your current actions may lead…”
I’ve decided that even though I never met that mother, I want to be like her. It seems that being at her funeral ultimately allowed me to be uplifted — or shall we say raised?! — by her eyebrows, too!
Mom, what signals are your facial expressions sending to your children? Try raising your eyebrows or the corners of your mouth more often! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I confess: I hate the word “chores.” I’ll bet most people do. It’s just filled with drudgery that weighs you down the moment you think it. Ugh.
And so, in our house, we try really hard never to do chores. Instead, we take FLYLady‘s advice and we “Bless Our Home.”
We have gone through various chore charts and systems — what I’ve figured out is, no system works unless I do!
Yup, that’s MY job as the mom, is to execute whatever system is posted on the fridge at the moment. I have to be the one to rally the troops…
On regular weekdays, I aim for Sloppy Success rather than Perfect Failure… got that one from Hannah Keeley). I leave the “be thorough” expectation for Saturday’s BIG Bless Our Home.
I try to set a good example for my kiddos by whistlin’ while I work — although, really, I can’t whistle, so instead I make up silly songs about whatever chore, errr, whatever way I’m blessing the house at the moment. Imagine what kinds of silly rhymes I have to come up with for “garbage” or “dishwasher?”
Recently, I created a parody of the Beauty and the Beast song “Be Our Guest” replacing those words with “Bless Our Home!”
Of course, there are times when I can’t bring myself to sing, maybe I’m just having a low energy day or I’m a little overwhelmed by the repetition and magnitude of the task of keeping a home even just somewhat tidy. I usually can still manage to ward off the grumpiness by turning my voice robotic. We all would love to have a robot do our chores, right?!
Fellow Mom, are you willing to give up chores and try “Blessing Your Home” this week, maybe even singing as you go? Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash
Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I once learned a useful child-rearing trick at a zoo.
The zookeeper was displaying the elephant’s ability to obey certain commands. Sometimes the elephant wasn’t cooperating, though.
The zookeeper explained: “We just ignore it when the elephant doesn’t cooperate. We don’t punish. Just ignore. Then we repeat the command, in exactly the same tone. When the elephant responds correctly, we praise and reward.”
Now, I don’t want to over-simplify — that can be faulty in and of itself — so I still sometimes give negative consequences to my kiddos. However, I have found the concept of ignoring to be valid overall.
There is power in simply acting as though my child didn’t just scream NO as loudly as an elephant’s trumpet. When I choose not to react, the power of his tantrum deflates. Does that mean he’ll stop right away? Not necessarily. But the encounter will end far better — and sooner — if I don’t get sucked into the violent vortex of high emotion.
Staying calm, pretending my child has not responded, then simply repeating my request in a mild tone, again if necessary. When my child chooses to cooperate, I praise, reward, and sincerely thank that precious child of mine.
I don’t think the elephant gets thanked. I added that part. But I hereby thank the zookeeper for teaching me how to train my little elephants!!
Mom, doing nothing requires intention, ironically. Next time your child is going wild, pretend you don’t notice. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.
I. LOVE. MY. BOOK. CLUB.
More accurately, I love the women who attend the club.
I do enjoy reading books and discussing them — it’s a great challenge for my brain to
1. Manage my time effectively to the point where I can fit in reading a book a month
2. Pay close enough attention to what I am reading so I can share some thoughts about it
However, when it comes right down to it, I would get together with these women even if it were a knitting club.
Admittedly, knitting is also a challenge for my brain.
My overall point of this, though, is how grateful I am for these women. They are busy moms. Yet they take time out to bless my life by sharing their thoughts, their wisdom, their talents.
Ya see, it’s a multi-faceted book club — we actually spend the first hour or so doing things not related to the book. We eat — it’s ALWAYS a potluck. We share each other’s good news — as well as our challenges. And THEN we discuss the book — solid discussions, with lots of insights and applications to our lives.
It’s like an intellectual challenge wrapped up in a hug!
I cherish my time with these women, whose wise words come home with me and help me in my efforts as a mom.
Momivate has a goal to offer something similar to each of you! We hope to start small groups of 8-10 moms who gather regularly to SMILE together (SMILE is an acronym for Support, Music, Inspiration, Laughter, and Education). If you’d like to help us start this program, sign up on the website to become a Momivator!
We need one another, Mamas! We need to SMILE more often and more purposefully. Let’s work together to get this program up and going, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!
Photo by Natalie Sierra on Unsplash