Is it perimenopause?

Spring is here! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the bees are humming—and you’re feeling and moving like Suzy the sloth. You ask yourself, Where is my energy? There are a lot of reasons for feeling tired—anything from wacky sleep schedules to lack of motivation. Let me suggest another possibility for your decreased energy. Could it be perimenopause? Wait, what is that?

What is Perimenopause? Menopause?

Perimenopause is the transitional period before menopause. It can last from four to ten years. Some women begin noticing symptoms in their thirties but most women will start the process in their forties. Menopause occurs when a woman does not have a menstrual cycle for twelve consecutive months. Average age for menopause is fifty-one but can occur anytime between ages forty to fifty-eight. Due to medical procedures, some women may undergo menopause early; this is called induced menopause.

Symptoms
During perimenopause, ovaries are beginning to slow down, and less estrogen is produced. Eventually, the ovaries will no longer release eggs, so pregnancy will not be able to occur. This transition causes hormone fluctuations resulting in some of the following common symptoms: hot flashes, night sweats, breast tenderness, migraine headaches, difficulty concentrating, sleep challenges, mood swings, anxiety, menstrual cycle changes, weight gain, loss of libido, etc. Some uncommon symptoms include increased body odor, hair loss, vision changes, cold flashes, increased allergies, increased facial hair. Symptoms may continue until the menopause stage for some women. Due to low estrogen levels during breastfeeding, mothers may feel symptoms that are menopausal-like. Yet, it is possible for a breastfeeding mother to experience perimenopause.

What can you do?
Educate yourself prior to seeking assistance from a medical professional. It is important to be an active participant in your healthcare, and not a spectator. Create a partnership with your chosen medical professional to explore possible treatment plans to address your symptoms.

Prioritize sleep. Create a healthy sleep environment by minimizing or stopping the use of electronics two hours before bedtime.

Know common and not so common symptoms of perimenopause. Not all women experience the same symptoms.

Know your family reproductive history. When did your mother and grandmother experience perimenopause or menopause? You may or may not follow the same pattern.
Improve your nutrition and increase physical activity. It is important to provide your body with essential nutrients during this time of change to reduce chronic disease risk. Moving a little bit everyday helps with potential weight gain and improves your mood.

Seek support from loved ones, a support group or even professional counseling if necessary. You are not alone and it is definitely okay to create the space to process your feelings.

Perimenopause and menopause are natural processes that occur for women and should not be feared. Empower yourselves with information and support so you can become a positive example to other women.

Resources:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/perimenopause/symptoms-causes/syc-20354666

https://www.womenshealth.gov/menopause 

A Good Catch!

A Good Catch!

A Good Catch!

By Annette T. Durfee

If you look for the good, you surely will find it.
Is that really true? And does it apply to life with our families? I believe it is and it does. But sometimes it is hard to see the good in people. Looking for the good requires that we assume the best in our children and create an atmosphere where they can learn from their choices with as many chances as they need. But we all know that looking for the good is so much easier to say than to actually put into practice because it is easy to see what our children are doing wrong. And negative behavior begs for our attention. So, we have to be conscious of our responses, because, honestly, who wants to be yelled at all day? Not me! It certainly is not motivating and it destroys that feeling of love that we are all trying to achieve, faster than a speeding bullet! So, what can we do instead to foster this idea with our families?
A better idea is to “catch” them doing right! Here are four ways to help us do that. I’m sure you could find more! I would suggest doing one or two at a time so as not to be overwhelmed as well as to add a spark of enthusiasm which generally accompanies something new:

1. Words of Praise: Let’s say that you’d like a peaceful atmosphere in your home and it seems at times like it is anything but that. Try looking for those rare times when they are getting along. We might say something like, “I’m hearing such kind words from the back seat. Thank you!” Or, “Look how well you are getting along! I’m proud of you!” “I like how you’re sharing your toys!” The tricky part is remembering to notice those positive moments. One way to accomplish this is by making a picture in your home hang slightly crooked. Each time you walk by and see it, it becomes a quiet reminder that now would be a very good time to catch your children doing something good!

2. Jar of pom-poms: Choose an area of focus where you’d like to see improvement. It’s even better if you choose it as a family so you have their input and buy-in. We worked as a family at one point to encourage the phrase, “I would love to” when someone, usually a parent, was asking for help with something or reminding them to do a certain chore. What a difference this phrase made as it began to shape our attitudes towards serving each other with love rather than having to be coaxed or begged with a put-out attitude. When the person said the phrase, “I would love to,” they went over to the jar and put in a pom-pom. And when the jar was full (and our hearts were fuller) we all celebrated by going out for ice cream! You might want to do the same thing and change it up a bit depending on your family’s needs.

3. The Family Book of Honor: In my children’s elementary school, they occasionally had assemblies where a few students were chosen to sign the school Book of Honor. We adopted this idea for our family by nominating people at dinnertime to sign the Durfee Book of Honor, and with it, to write down the great deed they did. Although we only did this for a short time, I must admit that it was fun to have a record of so many good deeds. And it created a feeling of warmth in our home, of looking for the good in others, cheering on the achievements of others, and of striving to do well.

4. Family Rewards: While this idea could work well for any number of improvements, I think it is particularly good in raising children to be strong, good, and valiant. The idea is to choose the values that you’d like to emphasize in your family. Make a few certificates and concentrate on one area each week. Maybe you’ll want to announce the winner of the week at a family dinner and post in a place of prominence – perhaps on their bedroom door or bathroom mirror – someplace where they will see it often and be reminded about just how good they are. I can’t remember where I got this idea from. Maybe it was from one of you? And maybe I made up some of them. At any rate, here are the ones I ended up settling on. You might find others that suit your family’s values:

* Self Starter Award: For someone who took the initiative, saw what needed doing and did it without being asked, or went the extra mile without being asked.

* Neat as a Pin Award: For someone who kept their room clean, straightened up, put things in order, etc.

* Leader for the Right Award: For someone who stood up for what they believed, resisted “following the crowd,” tried to influence someone for good, etc.

* Ice Breaker Award: For someone who made a new friend, started an interesting conversation, asked a question, gave a thoughtful compliment to someone, etc.

* What Would Jesus Do? Award: For someone who remembered to ask this question during the week, and, as a result, consciously made a good choice or decision.

* Peacemaker Award: For someone who helped our home to be a place of peace and love. “Blessed are the peacemakers – for they shall be called the children of God.”

Let’s admit it. We all like to be noticed and praised for the good we do. So instead of letting our families flounder by fishing for compliments, let’s strategize and guide our families as we charter new waters together. As we look for the good, we can tackle family problems and with a little love as bait and hook, validate their efforts and reel in a good catch!

 

Photo by Jayanth Muppaneni on Unsplash

 

 

 

 

Law of Conservation of Goodness

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Here’s a throwback to high school physics: remember the Law of Conservation of Matter? Here’s a little reminder with an illustration

Imagine a glass of milk and chocolate syrup. Mix those together: something has definitely changed, but the amount of total liquid is still the same as before. Even if you drink the milk and the cup appears to be empty, the liquid still exists — it wasn’t destroyed — it just changed places. Nothing was created, nothing was destroyed. Amount-wise, it all stayed the same regardless of the color change or change of place.

Well, unfortunately, I tend to notice a Law of Conservation of Goodness in my life as a mother. I have several areas of my life in which I strive for improvement: getting the laundry done! being patient and calm with my children! exposing my children to good music! including the Lord in my day-to-day life! making nourishing meals! Managing my time so I get some one-on-one time with each of my kids as well as with girlfriends and my ever-lovin’ husband! cleaning out the car! and the list goes on and on and on and on.

So I set goals. And I work towards improvement. But it seems like when I get good at one thing, I get worse at another thing. Dangit! That’s what I mean about the Law of Conservation of Goodness — that it appears I can neither create nor destroy the total amount of goodness in my life. It seems stuck at a constant and just changes form, changes color, changes places, changes which goal it applies to.

However, in all honesty, I’ve determined that this is a FALSE law. Oh, it might apply to energy and matter in physics. But as I am getting old enough now to have a little hindsight, I can see a little success in my attempts to get better, even though it looked like it was balanced out by regression in a neglected area. I am definitely better off than if I hadn’t ever made the attempts. Journaling has allowed me to gain this more accurate perspective, and I recommend this practice to you!

Mom, genuinely give yourself credit for how you’ve gradually improved over the years, and pat yourself on the back, resolving not to get discouraged as the path of progression stretches out to the horizon. Use a journal to record your thoughts. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

 

Can you get high on high fives?

Can you get high on high fives?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I took a child psychology class in college. My professor was strongly opinionated, biased towards his own published research, which claimed that the only effective form of discipline is a system of rewards and punishments, that our children are basically like Pavlov’s dogs.

Well, now that I’m a mom, I hereby declare this professor’s viewpoints as oversimplified and incomplete. Instead, I feel that the concepts of Positive Discipline are much more thorough in covering a broader scope of our children’s emotions. 

That’s not to say I never use rewards or punishments. I use them a lot — specifically the rewards! And that’s where the two theories coincide, which is a good clue as to the validity of that concept. Over the years of integrating “rewards” into real-life motherhood, I’ve come to realize that high-fives are about all the reward a child really ever needs. Oh, and otter-pops for going pee all by themselves. Tee hee!

Really, though, rather than invest in cavity-causing candy, or in a supply of little toys that later become stifling clutter, I just offer that awesome kid with the good behavior a high-five. And he’s happy, and I’m happy! And I’m not ashamed to mention another compelling fact: slippin’ skin is free.

Palm patting is universally accepted as very valuable — even though it costs nothing. And because it’s free, I can give it freely. As Positive Discipline teaches us: the more, the better.

Other similar rewards include a cheer! a hug! a thumbs-up! a pat on the back! the “A-OK” sign! capturing the moment on the camera! offering to call Daddy or Grandma to report the success! The KIND of positive interaction isn’t nearly as important as how OFTEN it’s offered.

The genuine joy my child sees on my face as we celebrate their victory is infectious — one of the few infections we want to spread.

Moms, try increasing these simple rewards in the lives of your children, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Ana Curcan on Unsplash

There are Beans in my Fudge

There are Beans in my Fudge

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

There are beans in my fudge.

Black beans.

In my fudge.

Ya can’t taste ’em. The fudge is still quite fudge-y — *plenty* of sugar… The kids love it. I was even honest with them about the beans, and they didn’t seem worried at all.

I’ve been eating plenty of bean-y fudge, and I can report that there are no gaseous side effects so far! 

I’d also like to report an analogy that Beanie Fudge has brought to my mind.

21st century life is sweet!! Sometimes sickeningly sweet (like fudge). We have so many modern conveniences, time-saving devices, luxuries that are so commonplace we don’t even realize they’re luxuries anymore… and entertainment options out the wazoo.

When we hear about life even just one century ago, we moan and groan just thinking about all the work those poor people had to do. Work, after all, is a four-letter word!

Work is like the beans in my fudge… Hey, bean is a four-letter word, too!

The fiber, vitamins, minerals, and protein of beans offer life-sustaining substances amidst the sweetness that corrodes our teeth and disables our immune systems.

Admittedly, there is still approximately four times as much sugar as there are beans in this recipe. Maybe that mirrors our modern-day ratio of play-to-work? Back in our grandparents’ day, it was mostly beans and maybe a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down…

Sometimes, I worry about our current culture of work avoidance, and feel that my duty as a mom is to introduce some beans in friendly ways, maybe disguised a bit in cocoa…

I don’t feel a need to eliminate the “sugar” altogether, but I conscientiously include *some* beans amidst the fudge so that if circumstances change and a reverse ratio of beans to sugar were required, it wouldn’t be a total shock to our systems!

I want to raise my children with both beans and sweetness. Hopefully, just like we’ve happily discovered about Beanie Fudge, this metaphorical equivalent will also be flatulence-free!

Moms, try making Beanie Fudge both in real life and metaphorically, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

BEANIE FUDGE RECIPE

  • 1 Can of Black Beans — about 1 and 1/4 cups — drained and rinsed
  • 3/4 Cup cocoa — rounded
  • 3/4 Cup butter and/or coconut oil, warm enough to be mostly liquid
  • 4 Cups powdered sugar — scant

NOW CHOOSE A FLAVOR:

  • 2 Tbsps Vanilla 
  • OR 6-8 drops peppermint essential oil 
  • OR 3 Tbsp. peanut butter

PROCEDURE:

  1. Blend in a food processor or blender until smooth & creamy!
  2. Pour onto waxed paper and refrigerate at least 20 minutes before serving.
  3. Keep leftovers in the fridge — if there are any! (Use at room temperature as frosting!)

Photo by Jewel Johnson on Unsplash