Regan Barnes - Momivate

Can you get high on high fives?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I took a child psychology class in college. My professor was strongly opinionated, biased towards his own published research, which claimed that the only effective form of discipline is a system of rewards and punishments, that our children are basically like Pavlov’s dogs.

Well, now that I’m a mom, I hereby declare this professor’s viewpoints as oversimplified and incomplete. Instead, I feel that the concepts of Positive Discipline are much more thorough in covering a broader scope of our children’s emotions.

That’s not to say I never use rewards or punishments. I use them a lot — specifically the rewards! And that’s where the two theories coincide, which is a good clue as to the validity of that concept. Over the years of integrating “rewards” into real-life motherhood, I’ve come to realize that high-fives are about all the reward a child really ever needs. Oh, and otter-pops for going pee all by themselves. Tee hee!

Really, though, rather than invest in cavity-causing candy, or in a supply of little toys that later become stifling clutter, I just offer that awesome kid with the good behavior a high-five. And he’s happy, and I’m happy! And I’m not ashamed to mention another compelling fact: slippin’ skin is free.

Palm patting is universally accepted as very valuable — even though it costs nothing. And because it’s free, I can give it freely. As Positive Discipline teaches us: the more, the better.

Other similar rewards include a cheer! a hug! a thumbs-up! a pat on the back! the “A-OK” sign! capturing the moment on the camera! offering to call Daddy or Grandma to report the success! The KIND of positive interaction isn’t nearly as important as how OFTEN it’s offered.

The genuine joy my child sees on my face as we celebrate their victory is infectious — one of the few infections we want to spread.

Moms, try increasing these simple rewards in the lives of your children, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Ana Curcan on Unsplash

There are Beans in my Fudge

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

There are beans in my fudge.

Black beans.

In my fudge.

Ya can’t taste ’em. The fudge is still quite fudge-y — *plenty* of sugar… The kids love it. I was even honest with them about the beans, and they didn’t seem worried at all.

I’ve been eating plenty of bean-y fudge, and I can report that there are no gaseous side effects so far!

I’d also like to report an analogy that Beanie Fudge has brought to my mind.

21st century life is sweet!! Sometimes sickeningly sweet (like fudge). We have so many modern conveniences, time-saving devices, luxuries that are so commonplace we don’t even realize they’re luxuries anymore… and entertainment options out the wazoo.

When we hear about life even just one century ago, we moan and groan just thinking about all the work those poor people had to do. Work, after all, is a four-letter word!

Work is like the beans in my fudge… Hey, bean is a four-letter word, too!

The fiber, vitamins, minerals, and protein of beans offer life-sustaining substances amidst the sweetness that corrodes our teeth and disables our immune systems.

Admittedly, there is still approximately four times as much sugar as there are beans in this recipe. Maybe that mirrors our modern-day ratio of play-to-work? Back in our grandparents’ day, it was mostly beans and maybe a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down…

Sometimes, I worry about our current culture of work avoidance, and feel that my duty as a mom is to introduce some beans in friendly ways, maybe disguised a bit in cocoa…

I don’t feel a need to eliminate the “sugar” altogether, but I conscientiously include *some* beans amidst the fudge so that if circumstances change and a reverse ratio of beans to sugar were required, it wouldn’t be a total shock to our systems!

I want to raise my children with both beans and sweetness. Hopefully, just like we’ve happily discovered about Beanie Fudge, this metaphorical equivalent will also be flatulence-free!

Moms, try making Beanie Fudge both in real life and metaphorically, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

BEANIE FUDGE RECIPE

1 Can of Black Beans — about 1 and 1/4 cups — drained and rinsed
3/4 Cup cocoa — rounded
3/4 Cup butter and/or coconut oil, warm enough to be mostly liquid
4 Cups powdered sugar — scant

NOW CHOOSE A FLAVOR:

2 Tbsps Vanilla
OR 6-8 drops peppermint essential oil
OR 3 Tbsp. peanut butter

PROCEDURE:

Blend in a food processor or blender until smooth & creamy!
Pour onto waxed paper and refrigerate at least 20 minutes before serving.
Keep leftovers in the fridge — if there are any! (Use at room temperature as frosting!)

Photo by Jewel Johnson on Unsplash

What do chores and drawers have in common?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I have limited energy, Mamas, so I have to choose wisely what to spend it on. I choose to NOT waste energy on complaining about chores, ‘cuz they gotta get done so we might as well use our energy to work rather than whine. Chores aren’t a punishment! They aren’t slave labor devised to build character, as my children believe! They are simply what needs to be done as a result of something else being done first. And so I present to you…

The Parable of the Open Drawers

In our family, we like to eat. It’s a silly little thing, I know, but something about growling tummies, and boom, we’re in the brand-spankin’-clean kitchen lookin’ for somethin’ to put down the ol’ cake-hole. I don’t know if this happens in your house, but alluvasudden, the kitchen ain’t so clean anymore. So the conversation goes something like this:

MOM: Hey, kiddos, now that we’ve eaten, let’s clean up!

KIDDOS (in unison): But Mah-ahm, we didn’t do anything wrong. We just had a snack. Don’t punish us!

Seeing the need for a demonstration, I open all the drawers in the kitchen, leaving them out. Then I try to dance through the kitchen, dramatically banging into the open drawers…

MOM: Children, chores are like closing a drawer. You close it because you opened it, and because a closed drawer clears the way for more fun. In an area with open drawers, ya can’t have as much fun. Taking the time to close drawers …or do chores… gives you space to be free.

I see the lights go on in my oldest child’s eyes. Whew! Once I have him helping me, together we can convince the others of the cleverness of this perspective!

Moms, try Dancing among Open Drawers this week, illustrating the necessity and blessing of chores to your kiddos! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Orgalux on Unsplash

How Would You Define “Discovery?”

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Hi, I’m Regan from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

My three-year-old’s favorite PBS show is called Dinosaur Train. Yesterday I walked in as the show was ending and Dr. Scott the Paleontologist announced that it was now time to turn off the TV, go outside, and “make your own discoveries!”

I borrowed a little of Dr. Scott’s enthusiasm and repeated the same invitation as I flicked the off button. I braced for the usual protest — “Just one more show!!!” but instead, my little guy looked at me with excitement in his eyes and said, “Yeah! Let’s go make our own discoveries!”

Then as an afterthought, he asked, “Mom, what’s a discovery?”

“Oh, child,” I said with awe in my voice as I grabbed his pudgy little hands, as we walked to the back door. “Discovery is looking around with eyes wide open. You see things you’ve already seen AND you notice brand new things. Then… Then…”

I paused to build his anticipation. We sat down to put on his shoes. “Then…”

“You think and you wonder and you ask questions and you want to know and learn and — ” (using my best mysterious voice, I continued) — ” you solve mysteries and expose secrets!”

His verbal response: “Awesome” was accompanied by a non-verbal response that was even better.

He took hold of his one-year old sister’s pudgy little hand, led her out the door, and with gentle joy, showed her a lady bug.

Mom, try exemplifying enthusiasm to spark the curiosity about real life as you limit screen time today, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Kevin Gent on Unsplash

Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up… No, wait, YES I CAN! AND I WILL!

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

They say that it takes 21 days to build a good habit. I have a few decades’ worth of goal-setting experience that proves that to be about right…

My experience also says that it takes less than one day to fall out of that hard-earned habit…

Just like climbing a tree: On the way up, I must carefully choose which limb to grasp, then use my muscles to pull myself. It can be a time-consuming, arduous process — but falling down from the tree can happen pretty much instantaneously with no effort at all on my part. AAAACCCKKKK!!!! Thank you, gravity.

And so the metaphor continues: there’s gravity in that more ethereal sense of our efforts to progress and improve in life. Forces that pull us down or times when we lose sight of the goal and loosen our grips, losing our footholds and then falling.

But let’s not allow gravity to win. Defeat must be seen as temporary. There’s a great song called Tubthumping that helps me stand back up and start climbing that tree again. Here’s a fun rendition sung by an acapella group that got voted off an entertainment competition show called The Sing Off.

Let’s train our brains so that when we fall, we respond by giving ourselves pep-talks (or pep songs, as the case may be!)! Can you feel these pats on the back, Mom?! No purpose is served in wallowing in the mud or being mad at ourselves. Momivate is a play on the word motivate, and we must do it for ourselves as well as for our children. How many times we fall down isn’t important as long as we stand back up

Mom, decide just one area where you’ve fallen, and make the effort to stand back up and dust yourself off today. You’ve got this! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash