Regan Barnes - Momivate

Waking Up To A Full Slate?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Whew! What a day! Busy, busy, busy. You know what it feels like: the gear shift feels stuck in “drive” all day long, full-speed ahead, downhill with the force of gravity having full sway… sometimes it’s terrifying!

Maybe I’m an adrenaline junkie or have a little ADHD, but I have to admit that I kinda like days like this. I like knowing what’s the next thing to get done — or seventy-two specific things. I love To-Do Lists — attacking them like my pen is a sword, scratching off items viciously in victory!

Sometimes I work retroactively, writing down whatever-it-is that’s been using up my time just so I can cross it off and give myself credit! Things like changing diapers, snuggling a kiddo during a rough time, cleaning up an unanticipated mess… the “mental load” of problem-solving and scheduling and decision-making.

I’ve noticed two factors that can make the day feel like a whirlwind:

The first is duties and events put on my calendar by various responsibilities. The second is due to my conscious effort to make the most of each minute on my own, not based on outside obligations, but because I love life and don’t want to waste a minute of it. This can be both exhilarating and exhausting. And it makes built-in downtime more valuable and more necessary.

The idea that I always wake up to a full slate was taught to me in a housecleaning class! There is always something to clean or de-clutter. In the life of a mother, there is always a child to hug, to read to, to convince to eat nutritious food, to encourage in their chores & homework… life offers full and rich experiences in every moment if we’ll accept what each moment offers — including the slow-down times when just sitting and breathing mindfully is enough.

The “Full Slate” concept is sometimes discouraging to me since the day-in/day-out, repetitive things that tend to fill up the slate aren’t the “fun” things I want to fill up my to-do list with.

However, as I’ve embraced the truth of it, I find it liberating! Even meager efforts towards consistency keep things cleaner, more organized, and less overwhelming — and therefore simpler and faster — so the reward is that I can spend time doing tasks that I deem a little more fun than housecleaning.

Mom, consider your “Full Slate” and see how consistency can open up more fun time and more down time, and use that time to count your blessings, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

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Do You Have A Family Bank

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Today’s topic is your FAMILY BANK! What’s that? You don’t have one? Sure you do! Just grab a notebook and separate a few pages for an account for each child who’s over the age of 4 or 5. Draw lines to make a column for the date, a wider column for the transaction, a column for the specific amount, and then a column with the running total.

Next, create a system where each child *earns* deposits into their account…

Our family has four ways the children can earn money, an acronym called CLAP because we applaud their efforts! Monday through Friday, they can earn a point in each of these four areas:

C for Chores,

L for Learning,

A for Attitude,

and P for Preparation.

So that’s up to 20 points by the end of the week. We pay a penny per year of age per point, so if the ten year old gets fifteen points, that’s 1.50 that week. As an added incentive, we are willing to double their money if they get within two points of a perfect score.

The child is encouraged to give part of their deposit to a charity, another portion to their older selves (aka savings). The remainder they are allowed to spend — or save — as they see fit.

When the child wants to buy something, they can decide based on their Family Bank account balance. If they have enough money, *they* decide to buy or not. If they don’t have enough money, then that lack of money is the deciding factor. THIS IS SO NICE for me as the Mom… I am no longer the bad guy who says no! In fact, I can show love and sympathy when they don’t have enough money! Heck, I’ve been there before myself. Plus, I can use it as motivation to get their CLAP done in the future. Older kids can even be in charge of paying for their own clothes and entertainment. Richard & Linda Eyre’s book The Entitlement Trap has several great ideas for this Family Economy.

So grab a notebook, Mama, and get your Family Bank going today! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Diane Helentjaris on Unsplash

Family Team Discussion

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

We usually END our tip with a challenge, but I’m going to START that way today: Gather your family and have a discussion about how your family is a TEAM…

Have everyone close their eyes and visualize whatever comes to their mind when they hear the word TEAM. Then have everyone share! Maybe your discussion will go a little like our family’s did…

My oldest child pictured his favorite football team, the Broncos. Specifically, the logo since he was wearing Peyton Manning’s jersey. This taught us that there are individual team members and that teams are identified by certain artwork. I wondered if our family team has a logo of sorts?

Next, my husband brought up the Red Sox and how they finally won the World Series after decades of not… Talk about team solidarity, and keeping on attempting to win no matter how many losses precede the final victory!

My twins had the same thing in mind — they are, after all, identical — they had our favorite university playing against its rival. Upon further questioning, though, it turns out one of them was picturing a basketball game while the other had football in mind. That brought up the fact that there are different sports, and that there are competitions and rivalries… My brain kept trying to figure out how this applies to our family team.

My four year old’s one-word contribution was, “Winning!” He also noted that winning is followed up with partying!

My second oldest, Truman, pictured a team of people playing Dungeons and Dragons. This brought up the fact that not all teams are sports teams — a perfect way for me to introduce the idea that our FAMILY is a TEAM, and that we want to WIN!

Moms, try having this discussion about viewing your family as a TEAM — then share with us on Facebook if practicing this new family vision elevates your mothering!

Photo by Mike Scheid on Unsplash

What’s with the ‘Tude, Dude?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Have you ever been in a situation where complaining or whining might be justified, but for some reason you chose to take a deep breath and stay calm. It’s not easy, but it’s rewards are immediate! The challenge to accept responsibility for one’s own reaction is one of those self-discipline muscles that we need to build — and life gives us plenty of opportunities.

When we can’t control anything else about our circumstances, we can at least keep control of ourselves, our emotions, our attitude.

Charles Swindoll, founder of the radio program Insights for Living, got it right when he said:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important … than education, than money, … than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.

It will make or break a company, a church, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. …

We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you.

We are in charge of our attitudes.”

I want to empower my children by teaching them this concept, and I work (it is definitely WORK) to set an example of it, and together we’re discovering all the ways we can improve our personal reality simply by smiling, or letting things go, or looking for solutions, what we CAN do, rather than dwelling on the CAN’Ts. We aren’t perfect, — and yet we try to maintain a good attitude about our imperfections!

Mama, examine your attitude and how you might upgrade it in just one way today, and see what a difference it makes. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Ahmed Zayan on Unsplash

Screen Free Week

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I get it! I get it, fellow mamas — I TOTALLY understand why TV is placed on a pedestal in our society. For one thing,

It’s basically a free babysitter, available at our beck and call
And it’s so nice that while my children are busy watching TV, they don’t make very big messes (although this also means they aren’t learning how to clean up messes…)
Another positive is that they tend to get so absorbed in the TV program that they don’t fight with each other! However, this form of hypnotized peace results in fewer opportunities to learn negotiation, compromise, forgiveness, and other positive relationship skills that come with conflict. Besides, when they’re done watching, it feels like they fight MORE than if they hadn’t watched it at all… as though the supposedly benign show has still had a negative effect.
Finally, PBS and similar educational programming make us feel good about letting them watch — “It’s like Preschool at Home” is one of the ditties I’ve heard the network claim… BUT preschool is interactive, multi-sensory, creative, and attendees can practice playing and getting along with peers… so I’m not convinced.

Why would I ever feel inclined to give up the free babysitter, free preschool, and fight-and-mess-preventer?

Well, the nonprofit Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood has researched why it’s crucial to curb our children’s screen use. They sponsor Screen Free Week, providing tons of resources to help us succeed in this practically impossible endeavor.

Additionally, they help us as parents teach tech-responsibility to our children because the reality is that being screen-free is a luxury not many of us can afford, oddly enough. So we need to be putting the necessary effort into teaching screen self-control starting as soon as the baby pretends her banana is a phone.

It absolutely definitely one hundred percent totally completely and drastically affects the atmosphere in our home when our “master-and-slave” relationship with screens has “we, the people” as the masters, not the slaves.

Mom, try going screen free for a day or two each week, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by AJIN AJEESH on Unsplash