By Brittany Sewall 

Having a baby is an exciting moment! There are a lot of changes you go through as a woman; physically, mentally, and emotionally. It is a rollercoaster ride of emotions those first few days after welcoming your little one into this world. You experience highs and lows, and you may be flooded with joy, love, fear, and anxiety. This is all very common for most women to experience in those first few days after birth, lasting up to the first two weeks. This is referred to as the baby blues, which you might have heard of before. The baby blues affect 50-75% of women, and typically start within a couple of days after giving birth and can last up to two weeks. Baby blues symptoms can include:

• •     Anxiety
  •     Sadness
  •     Mood swings
  •     Feeling irritable or overwhelmed
  •     Crying for no reason
  •     Irregular appetite
  •     Difficulty sleeping

 If these symptoms do not resolve after two weeks, seem to be worsening or feel more intense, it could be postpartum depression (PPD).

PPD is a serious mental condition that affects your physical health and behavior. The symptoms of PPD usually develop within the first few weeks after childbirth but can happen up to one year after your baby is born. It is easy to mistake PPD for the baby blues at first because the symptoms are very similar. However, with PPD, the symptoms may start to affect your ability to care for your baby or interfere with tasks of daily living. Symptoms of PPD can include:

• •     Feeling shameful
  •     Feeling guilty or worthless
  •     Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or crying
  •     Anger or mood swings
  •     Sleeping more or less than normal
  •     Inability to care for yourself or your baby
  •     Loss of appetite
  •     Feeling hostile towards your baby
  •     Difficulty bonding with your baby
  •     Intense anxiety
  •     Withdrawing from family and friends
  •     Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

 Postpartum depression affects 1 in 7 women. If a woman has a history of PPD with previous pregnancies, she has a 30% higher chance of having it again. You also might be at a higher risk if you have bipolar disorder, your baby has health issues, you have twins or triplets, if the pregnancy was unwanted, if you’re having relationship problems, have a weak support system, or financial problems.

If you, or someone you know, might be experiencing PPD, please reach out. Talk to your partner, talk to your nurse, talk to your doctor or midwife. Please do not suffer in silence. Some women try to hide these feelings. They might feel like they are a bad mother, feel ashamed or guilty. Some women feel like they are the only ones feeling this way or that it’s not normal, which then can make them feel embarrassed. There are multiple options for mothers suffering with PPD that can help.

Therapy is a very common treatment option for PPD. Counseling can help you dive into your emotions, try to understand, and work through them. Support groups can also be a helpful avenue as it allows you the opportunity to talk with other women who are experiencing the same thing and can help you feel less alone. Dealing with PPD can make people feel very secluded, so knowing other people that are going through similar struggles can be very comforting. Another treatment some women explore is medications. Most commonly doctors will prescribe an antidepressant which can help manage your symptoms. There are also antidepressants that are safe to take while breastfeeding, so if you’re nursing you don’t have to stop in order to take these. You and your doctor can work together to find the right medication and right dosage. It does typically take several weeks for these medications to start working, so try not to stress if you don’t feel any different immediately after starting one.

Postpartum depression is no joke. It is a serious condition that can often be overlooked as “normal” for mothers to experience. Please speak up if you are experiencing any of these symptoms that describe PPD. Work with your health care team to find the right treatment plan for you so you can start healing mentally. Ignoring these symptoms can eventually affect your baby. To give the best care to your baby, you must take care of yourself too.

Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2022, November 24). Postpartum depression. Mayo Clinic.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617 

Postpartum depression: Causes, symptoms & treatment. Cleveland Clinic. (2024, July 17).
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9312-postpartum-depression#management-and-treatment 

Postpartum depression: Office on Women’s Health. OASH | Office on Women’s Health. (2023, October 17).
https://womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/postpartum-depression

Photo by Tiago Bandeira on Unsplash

By Annette T. Durfee

One of my favorite things to do while growing up was to visit my grandmother’s homes on both sides of my family.  I think everyone enjoyed it!  Now I have to mention that while some people have “cookie” Grandmas, I had two ice “cream Grandmas”!  My Grandma Durrant always had her freezer stocked with a favorite flavor at a moment’s notice.  And my Grandma Tenney would let us sit on her back porch and grind the handle of the old-fashioned ice cream maker with a fresh cream mixture until the ice cream was nice and thick!  YUM!  So, was it the ice cream factor that made my Grandma’s home such a special place to visit?  Being the ice cream lover that I am, I hope you won’t think it too suspicious if I told you, “YES!”

But, of course, there was more, much more! In fact, everything in my grandmother’s homes spoke in a special way to my heart:  Giant hugs I received on her doorstep or the twinkle in their eyes and a smile that spoke, “I’m so glad you’re here!  You’ve really made my day!”  Fresh veggies and cantaloupe from the garden or the aroma of freshly baked bread smothered with honey!  Books and toys especially for the grandkids.  Handcrafted paintings, homemade pillows, and pictures of the family on the fireplace mantle let us know who she truly prized. And always, Grandma’s humming in the background as she tidied up her home in the early morning hours, ready at a moment’s notice to spend a little time with us.  Rain or shine, at Grandma’s, we were instantly comfortable, instantly welcome, instantly at home. 

Don’t we all want that kind of a home?  A home filled with warmth and love!  Happily, it is something we can all achieve with work, creativity, time, and a whole lot of help from above!  One song that describes this loving ambiance we want in our homes is called, “Home,” written by Caroline Eyring Miner:

Home
Home is where the heart is
Where warmth and love abound
Home is where encircling arms
Go all the way around.
–by Caroline Eyring Miner

A home, as we all know, is more than just the furniture and the stuff we own.  It is made up of the people who live there – our family!  Therefore, in order for a home to have that ambiance of love that we desire, one of the most important things we can do is to prioritize our time to strengthen our relationships with our families. 

 In families, love is spelled T-I-M-E. Time spent with our families is a true investment that pays long term dividends. When we spend time with our family, we increase our family’s capacity to feel loved and secure in our home. What we are really saying is, “I have time for you. You are important to me.” Time spent with family doesn’t have to be expensive to be effective, but both quantity as well as quality are important and consistency is key. 

 How do YOU spell love with your family?  What message are you sending with the events on your calendar?  Here are a few ways that strong families send their families a little love note to pump up the love-meter in their homes:

1. Set aside a weekly family night – What could be better than a time reserved just for your family each week where you all have a blast together?!  Start out with one and build up to planning out a few at a time.  Keep it simple or spruce it up.  Just make it a night that the whole family looks forward to!  It’s a great time to teach your family values as well as life skills.  Play games and activities or go on outings!  Maybe even work on a project together once in a while!  And always – I mean ALWAYS –  include a special treat! 

2. Set aside a weekly family planning meeting – This is a great time to calendar events, share goals and dreams, and express ideas that will strengthen your family and leave everyone feeling calm and reassured.  What can you do to assist them?  How can they in turn help the family run more smoothly?  You can do this as part of your weekly family night or at dinner.  Just find whatever time works best for your family.

3. Individual Attention – One-on-one time with your children can be an effective way to connect with them even if it’s only a few minutes a day.  Maybe you do this as you prepare dinner together, go on a short outing, run an errand together, or enjoy a special bedtime routine.  Letting them talk about whatever is on their mind and really listening to them without judgment or criticism will help them to feel important and loved. 

4. Unplug – In a world that is running at breakneck speed, we don’t want our families to get lost in the shuffle.  So be sure to take a little time each day AWAY from phones, computers, television, and so on, not only to benefit yourself, but so that the whole family can really connect.  This electronic free time becomes your chance to look each other in the eyes, talk together, laugh together and learn from one another, so don’t let it pass you by!

5. Eat meals together – Even if you can’t do it for every meal of every single day, do what you can to regularly schedule this important time together.  Making it a priority to eat together blesses our families tremendously!  Children whose families eat together not only develop healthier eating patterns and have better health, but they have a better vocabulary and academic performance, a higher self-esteem, a greater sense of reliance, and a lower risk of depression, substance abuse, and teen pregnancy.

6. Make and keep family traditions – Silly or special, extensive or simple,  taking time to infuse family traditions lights a spark of joy and love in families.  Some families have a song or a cheer.  Some gather for a family prayer and group hug before heading out the door each morning. Some explore a special place each year.  It really doesn’t matter what the tradition is, only that you do it and remember to keep doing it.  Whether it’s as simple as having green eggs and ham on St. Patrick’s Day, strawberry pancake stacks on Valentine’s, or a treasure hunt on birthdays to find the presents, traditions not only give children something fun to look forward to, but help them to feel emotionally supported.

My grandmothers always had time for their family.  They could have done a million other things, but instead they chose us.  They turned on the love-meter in their homes by including us in their lives – teaching us how to do ceramics, raking the leaves together, playing a game of cards, and going for a walk together to the post office. The ambiance in their homes was more than just physical surroundings, although that was certainly part of it.  By opening up their calendars, what they were doing in essence was allowing us the time to open up our hearts to them, time with which they could then use to share their powerful influence for good.  Now that’s what I call time well spent!

By  Diana Duke

What is Koah?  

It wasn’t until recently that I stumbled upon Camp Koah, a camp for children who have lost a direct family member. The word Koah is derived from a Hebrew word that means “strength.” This is fitting since their mission is to help kids find strength together as they navigate the devastating loss of a loved one. They focus on educating campers on how to move through the stages of grief as they create memories and friendships that will last a lifetime.

I feel so fortunate to have found this camp to help my children understand their grief as they learn to live without their daddy. I love that it is a safe place where they can gather together and share with others something so terribly heartbreakingly personal, and be able to find “Koah.” 

I have pondered what having strength means to me. On numerous occasions, I have shared with others an important phrase that my late husband used to always say:  “Kia ka ha,”  which, in Maori, means, “Be strong.” This is even engraved in his grave marker. I found it so fitting that the name of this camp coincides with something so personal to our family, something that we share with my husband. It was definitely a tender mercy to me. 

My children are ages seven, nine, nine, and eleven. My eleven-year-old was not sure about going, so I did not press him any further as everyone grieves differently. However, my two nine-year-olds wanted very badly to go. 

Grief is something that I, as a new widow, have struggled with. Just when I think I have a hold on my feelings of grief, somehow they find a way of resurfacing. If I experience this as an adult, it must be exponentially harder to deal with in their childlike minds. So, of course, I jumped at the chance to send my children to Camp Koah. 

I eagerly applied, and was sad to find out that all of the slots had been filled. I saw that there was a place I could submit their names for the waiting list. A few months went by and I figured I would just be sure to apply earlier for next year. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I received a message asking if we were still interested. I quickly responded that we definitely were. They let me know that one slot had opened up, but they felt that they could make room for one more since they were sisters. I was thrilled to let the girls know.  

The day came that they were finally able to go. They were so excited. They had never been away from family like this before and for this long. But, I knew that they would be in good hands. Normally it is a requirement to have lost a direct family member in order to be a counselor. My girls had two young women as their counselors, who were also sisters and had lost their dad just a year prior, which made relating to them even easier. 

While attending camp they were able to listen to firesides, and participate in art projects, and service projects. They talked about their loved ones, did meditation, sang, danced, braided each other’s hair, played pranks on each other, and played in the water with a giant Slip ‘n Slide. They learned that it’s okay to laugh and enjoy life, even when you’re hurting. They were surrounded by all these kids who had gone through tragedies, and they were able to find this “Koah” together. 

Just in the few hours that they’ve been back, they seem so much older, perhaps because they’ve been surrounded by older kids. Or, perhaps parts of their little breaking hearts were able to be healed a little bit more. They can not wait to go next year and are already making plans with their older brother who wishes that he had gone after hearing the excitement of their week at camp. The girls got the phone numbers of their counselors and (parent-permitting) they can keep in touch and text with them. There will even be follow-up events throughout the year and a larger gathering at Christmas.

What a wonderful experience for my children. Thank you, Camp Koah. You have brought so much joy into our lives. I, as their mother, am able to find strength in knowing that my family is okay as we are able to find balance and continue on putting one foot in front of the other as we move about our journey in life.

If you would like more information on attending or donating to Camp Koah, please visit their website at https://www.campkoah.com.

By Annette T. Durfee

All is well!  All is well!  Or so we thought!  Our oldest son had a GREAT idea!  Why not test our family’s preparedness level by holding an evacuation from our home?  So, without telling anyone about it (except for me), we gathered for our weekly Family Night to hear the plan:  We had 5 minutes to get whatever we needed and off we would go in the Durfeemobile to our designated meeting spot for further evaluation.  No problem, I thought.  Surely we know what to do.  Easy peasy!  Except that the kids had other ideas on what was important . . .

While I was finding my phone and purse, my four-year-old son, went directly to the pantry to get a large can of “fruit cottontail” as he called it, except that he dropped it on his toe sending him squealing in pain.  Instead of spearheading our evacuation process, I ran to give comfort and administer first aid to his bleeding wound.  Four minutes later, I rounded the corner to find that our two-year-old had dumped his Halloween candy helter-skelter onto the front room floor in order to find the best pieces to take.  You’re kidding me!

I hurriedly shoved some shoes onto his feet and grabbed our coats as the girls came barreling down the stairs with a laundry basket full of their stuffed animals.  Really?  I just about lost it, but the time was up, so we all piled in the car.  Once we arrived at the church, we laughed hysterically as we surveyed the load in our car.  Thankfully, my husband and oldest son had managed to heave our 72-hour kits and a few jugs of water into the car, so we weren’t that bad off.  I mean, we could survive, but we knew that there were some things lacking in our emergency preparedness that we wanted to remedy.

If you’re like our family, you try to surge through life hoping for the best, but often find that accidents are, well, so accidental!  Life as we know is full of bumps along the path and without even trying, flat tires, injury, unexpected job loss, sickness, death in the family, and yes, even natural disasters can sneak up on us without a moment’s notice.  Well, I want to be ready, how about you?

When the time for an emergency arrives, the time for preparation is past. So why not head off the stress and panic that can come at the moment of an emergency?  Why not make the decision to be prepared?  With a few guiding principles and a little time educating ourselves and planning well, we can create safe places for our families.  So buckle your seat belt folks, ‘cuz ready or not, here we come! 

1. Start small.  Start today.  There are about a billion ways we could begin, and endless resources, but don’t let that stop you!  Don’t wait until you have a lot of $ saved up.  Don’t wait for a better time!  This is no time to be a victim of all or nothing thinking.  Keep it small.  Keep it simple.  Your ideas are the right ones for your family.  Gather a few items together that you already have and build from there.

2. Anticipate needs and make a plan with your family. Mr. Fred Rogers said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

Likewise, as we talk about and plan for emergencies, they become less scary and we can help our families become emotionally resilient.

Brainstorm together: 

• What disasters are prevalent in our area? 
• What might happen? 
• What do we do if . . .?
• What needs could arise in each instance? 
• What would be helpful then?
• What insurance do we need? 
• How will we communicate during an emergency? 
• Do the children know their phone number?  
• Who could be our out-of-town emergency contact?
• What needs would our baby have?
• An elderly friend or parent? Pets? 
• When will we practice our plan?

By anticipating our families’ needs, we create more options and access to lifesaving supplies that would otherwise be in short supply at the time of a crisis. 

(See also, “Helping Children Cope With Disaster,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/children.pdf)

“Family Emergency Planning,” https://www.ready.gov/kids/family-emergency-planning

3. Have the good sense to save some cents!  I like Benjamin Franklin’s adage, “Watch the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.”  Since we never know when an emergency will pop up, it makes sense to have a little extra money in our savings.  My husband and I were students for the first ten years of our marriage, so we learned early on the value of buying what we really needed and saving up for a rainy day.  I’ll admit that sometimes I felt sorry for myself for not being able to buy some of the things on our want list, but as we continued to set aside a small (and I mean small) amount each month, it eventually added up.  During those months when he didn’t get paid, we could pay ourselves – a true investment! 

(See also, “One for the Money,” Elder Marvin J. Ashton,https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/09/one-for-the-money?lang=eng  

 4. Home Safe Home:  Because many accidents can begin in the home, it is important to make our homes a place of safety.  Again, good ole Benjamin Franklin provides the answer:  “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”  So the first step in having a home that is secure is to prevent a problem in the first place.   Let’s start increasing our awareness of our home environment by taking a quick survey of our homes:

• What possible hazards do you identify?   
• What can we do to prevent slips and falls?
• Drowning, suffocation, and strangulation?
• Fires and burns? Medications and poisons locked away?  Check!
• Batteries for smoke alarm tested? Check!
• Fire extinguisher within reach?  Check! 

What other preventative measures can you think of to reduce the risks and avert the booby traps in your home?

(See also, “Safe Kids Worldwide,” https://www.safekids.org/

“A Guide to Home Safety:  Identifying and Preventing Hazards,” https://www.safehome.org/resources/home-hazards/

5. Having supplies, water, and food puts you in a good mood!  With a little planning and occasional rotation, you can have lifesaving items ready for use right in the safety of your own home. And when hungry tummies come calling, you’ll be so glad that you’re ready!  I found that by stocking up on basic items when they were on sale, we were able to build up our supply to a reasonable amount over time.

An easy place to start is to ask questions like these: 

• If there were a crisis right now and we had to rely on what we have on hand today, what would we wish that we had? 
• What foods does my family enjoy? 
• Would a garden provide some options? 
• In a time of emergency, with what fuel will we cook it?  

Water, as you know, is also important, not only when we’re thirsty, but to aid in food preparation, hygiene, and sanitation.  And so, my friends, we ask the hard question, “what will we do if we can’t get clean water out of our faucet?”  When the apartment of one of my daughters had to turn off the water for three days, she and her husband were well taken care of, having stored water ahead of time in juice and soda bottles that they had rinsed out and refilled.  What could you do to prepare for such a time? 

And if we are truly going to be prepared at home, let’s not forget other necessities:  Is our first aid kit updated?  Do we all know where the flashlight is and do we have extra batteries?  Do I have a secret stash of cash on hand (in small bills)?  And do we have blankets and warm clothing in case the power is out and we have to dress more warmly?  Now there are a few sanity savers right there! And last but not least, may I mention that having some extra supplies in the cupboard such as deodorant, hand soap, toothpaste, dish soap, laundry detergent, feminine products and of course toilet paper (boy do we all know this!!) will go a long way in keeping this mama happy! 

(See also, “Food and Water in an Emergency,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/f&web.pdf)

“What’s That Smell:  Sanitation When Systems Fail.” https://drive.google.com/file/d/1f_ZSwBzWF9OMfg_t18UNI23rqrwQ0OOo/view

6. On the Road Again:  Because we are in our cars so much of the time, we would be wise to doublecheck that we are taking precautions to ensure that our family is safe there as well: 

• Is the car seat for my child the correct size? 
• Have I taken my child’s car seat for a certified safety check and made sure that it is installed properly? 
• Do I make sure that my children are only sitting in the front seat if they are older than 12? 
• Do I remember to never leave a child in a hot car? 
• Do I exercise tough love by insisting that my children wear a seat belt, even when they throw a fit? (That never happens, right?)
• As the driver, am I doing everything I can to keep them safe by exercising self-restraint? 
• Do they see me wearing my seat belt?
• Do I drive when I am well rested?
• Do I refrain from drinking alcohol? 
• Do I drive the speed limit consistently? 
• Do I remove distractions such as cell phones while I drive? 
• Have I packed a car kit in the trunk with things like a first aid kit, gloves, flashlight, gas can, jumper cables, a blanket, extra water, graham crackers, and as ALWAYS – extra diapers and wipes! 

As part of our preparation, we might even include a little refresher course on a few things like how to change a flat or how to USE those jumper cables. I’m sure you can think of other things.  Most of these safety measures only take a few seconds, but in the long run, you’ll thank yourself and your family will too. 

(See also National Safety Council – https://www.nsc.org/road/safety-topics/child-passenger-safety/child-passenger-safety-home

7. Emergency Evacuation:  In the event that you need to leave your home, what would be a good gathering spot for your family?  Where will you meet if all of you are not home when the need to leave arises?  As our family found out, in a moment of panic, it is easy for our minds to forget what things we need to have.  To remedy this, we wrote up a list of our Top 10 items that we should grab in case of an evacuation and posted them on a paper by the garage door: 

1.  72 Hour Kits
2. Water
3.  Important Papers binder
4. Cell phone/charger
5. Wallet/keys
6. Shoes and coat
7. Tent/Hammer
8. Family Photos
9. Instruments
10. Laptop Computer

My daughter, now a grown mother, has created a very nice detailed list prioritizing their list of items as determined by whether they have 5, 10, or 15 minutes to leave and stating where in the house the items are located.  What would be some things that are important to you in case your family had to leave your home?

Will planning and preparing make a difference?  Well . . .When our family lived in Illinois, we often had tornados raging through our area.  To help us to be ready for a possible disaster, we assembled 72-hour kits that we safely stored in the closet underneath the staircase with simple items such as a change of clothes, snacks, water, a battery powered radio, a flashlight, and books and small toys for the children.  When the tornado sirens would go off, we knew the drill:  we would gather the kiddos and go into the closet until the storm had passed. 

Imagine our surprise when one day our son prayed that we could have another tornado!  GASP! That’s going a bit far, wouldn’t you say?  When we asked him why on earth he had said that, he replied that he wanted to play in the closet.  It was fun!  Well, at least he felt safe and we as his parents had greater peace of mind, knowing we had done what we could.  We were ready!  

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

One day, my 12 year old son came to me, telling me he was tired of getting reprimanded. Now, he’s a good kid with a great sense of humor. He has excellent work ethic and is very thorough *when* he does his chores.

This particular day, he hadn’t yet done his chores even after several reminders… and as he voiced his concern, I had to agree that I had indeed been getting on him quite a bit for his annoying actions towards his siblings.

I never intended to be the kind of mother who points out everything my child is doing wrong. I also regretted focusing on his faults, since I buy into the concept that what you focus on increases! I took a deep breath and hugged him and suggested we have a chat, assuring him that I knew one of his talents is his willingness to talk things over!

We discussed what kinds of actions were getting him into trouble. As our conversation continued, it became clear that he had been so busy bugging his brothers and sisters that he ran out of time to do his chores.

I decided to take what we were learning and phrase it more positively:

When you’re busy doing the things you’re supposed to be doing, you won’t have time to get in trouble!

I can think of all sorts of ways this applies to life! Not just the life of a sweet 12 year old who is feeling worn down, but to all of us who struggle with guilt. Sometimes I’m so aware of my imperfections and basically, reprimand myself all day — that it sucks away my energy to accomplish the good stuff. 

So I’m going to start taking my own advice and flip that dynamic to my benefit. I’m going to be so busy with the good stuff that the bad stuff will naturally get cut out of my time-limited day. I won’t have time to scowl, yell, and complain because I’ll be too busy being grateful, giving compliments and encouragement, and smiling instead.

Mom, try replacing the things that get you in trouble with good things that you’re supposed to be doing! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Paul Skorupskas on Unsplash

By Samantha Allred

Self-affirmations are positive statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes. Here are 5 affirmations that you can use to transform your thoughts about motherhood and inspire you to be a better mom. 

1. I find joy in the everyday moments of my life. 
2. I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my children. 
3. I am an amazing mom, even as I work hard to make improvements. 
4. I will be present and in the moment when talking to my children. 
5. Motherhood is the most important job in the world. 

If you feel like you need a mindset change, give affirmations a try. The key to affirmations is to use them frequently. Work them into a part of your morning routine, such as brushing your teeth or getting dressed. Write them down and post them on your mirror. Upload them to your phone wallpaper so you see them every time you open your phone. Some say them out loud, some repeat them in their mind during meditation, and others write them in a journal. Do whatever works for you. Your thoughts and words have the power to change your mindset and help you achieve your goals. 

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash