Council from the CouncilMoms

What do chores and drawers have in common?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I have limited energy, Mamas, so I have to choose wisely what to spend it on. I choose to NOT waste energy on complaining about chores, ‘cuz they gotta get done so we might as well use our energy to work rather than whine. Chores aren’t a punishment! They aren’t slave labor devised to build character, as my children believe! They are simply what needs to be done as a result of something else being done first. And so I present to you…

The Parable of the Open Drawers

In our family, we like to eat. It’s a silly little thing, I know, but something about growling tummies, and boom, we’re in the brand-spankin’-clean kitchen lookin’ for somethin’ to put down the ol’ cake-hole. I don’t know if this happens in your house, but alluvasudden, the kitchen ain’t so clean anymore. So the conversation goes something like this:

MOM: Hey, kiddos, now that we’ve eaten, let’s clean up!

KIDDOS (in unison): But Mah-ahm, we didn’t do anything wrong. We just had a snack. Don’t punish us!

Seeing the need for a demonstration, I open all the drawers in the kitchen, leaving them out. Then I try to dance through the kitchen, dramatically banging into the open drawers…

MOM: Children, chores are like closing a drawer. You close it because you opened it, and because a closed drawer clears the way for more fun. In an area with open drawers, ya can’t have as much fun. Taking the time to close drawers …or do chores… gives you space to be free.

I see the lights go on in my oldest child’s eyes. Whew! Once I have him helping me, together we can convince the others of the cleverness of this perspective!

Moms, try Dancing among Open Drawers this week, illustrating the necessity and blessing of chores to your kiddos! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Orgalux on Unsplash

Being Patient with my Impatience

By Diana Duke

They say that patience is a virtue. Sometimes I wonder if it’s a virtue I once mastered and then lost somewhere along the way. I think back to a time before I was a mother, when I had all of the patience in the world. I worked at a group home for children with disabilities and quickly found how much I loved it. As time moved on, I started a family and found myself venturing into other fields. However, at the top of my priorities was being a mother to my children. I had an amazing husband and, although we had our struggles, life was good.

I wish I’d had more time to be the wife I always wanted to be, but things took a turn for the worse and I found myself widowed at thirty-one. I completely fell apart for a while. I lost my sense of self, and that patience I’d had was now something that I was searching for. I feel that it is something I am really struggling with, yet all of the time everyone around me is telling me, “You have so much patience—I don’t know how you do it!” I am constantly being told what a good mother I am and, though I am grateful for their kind comments, it leads me to wonder who I am.

I don’t feel patient. I don’t feel so wonderful all the time. I think we as mothers are often our own hardest critics. However, I am pretty competitive, so I have to believe that the bar that I set long ago for myself has to be attainable or I wouldn’t have set it in the first place. I want to be happy, and I want my children to be happy. I find that getting back to the basics makes life so much easier. Being patient with ourselves, patient with our children, and being patient with those around us makes us kinder and more gentle.

I know that it can be hard when you don’t know where to start. But you just have to start where you are. So that is what I’m doing—jumping in and starting where I am. Even as I write this, I have found myself worrying; not knowing what to write about; stressing out that nobody wants to hear about my chaotic struggles. But we are human and we all have our own challenges. We need to be patient with ourselves.

Right now one of my challenges is the never-ending laundry pile—I never get to cross it off my to-do list, so I never get the satisfaction of completion. However, what I can do is set a goal for how many loads I can do today. That way I am able to cross something off my to-do list with satisfaction. I can go on and on about the steps I have to take to be patient with myself. We are all different; what works for me isn’t going to work for everyone else. But each of us can do something to quiet those negative, self-defeating thoughts in our heads. What are some things you can do to be patient with yourself?

Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash

The Natural State of Motherhood

Here is a funny story: Back before you could buy fast food with a credit card, I found myself with three hungry kids and too many hours before we could go home. So, I made a quick stop at McDonalds and, with the couple of dollars cash I had, I got a burger and a large fries to split among the kids, knowing I could make it the next few hours without this snack. As I divided the burger into 3 parts and doled a third of the fries to each child, a man walked by our table and made some assumptions. He promptly went and bought four burgers and gave them to us.

I assured him that we had plenty of money, just not in cash, and it would only be a few hours before we could eat at home. He would not be deterred, though, so thanks to his kindness we had a full lunch. To this day, I think he really believes that I was lying to save face.

Because it is so common for mothers to make sacrifices for their children, that man assumed that I was one of those wonderful mothers who goes without food so that her kids can eat. Well, I have never been in a situation where there wasn’t enough food, except very temporarily, but I hope that if I were, I would be able to do as so many mothers in the past have done: survive on minimal rations in order that their children would have enough food.

Every mother makes sacrifices for her children, and many are not visible sacrifices: sleep, peace of mind, time alone, cooking dinner with one child on the hip and another dragging at her clothing, convincing sick children to take their medicine, cleaning wounds, combing tangles, and more and more.

We do these things for two reasons: because we love them enough to sacrifice our own comfort for them, and because we know that sometimes we must do things for our children that are hard, because we love them more than we desire them to be happy with us.

Someone once said a similar thing about God: He’s more interested in our growth than in our comfort. And He’s willing to take the “blame” when we aren’t happy with the circumstances that are intended to result in our growth. As moms, we model this divine structure with our children in two ways: accepting God’s will for us even if it’s harder than we want it to be, and interacting with our children in ways that, in the long run, are for the best but, in the short-term, aren’t “fun.” And that is a sacrifice of its own kind.

“The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children.” Jessica Lange

Photo by Tanaphong Toochinda on Unsplash

Fun Action Songs All Kids Should Know

By Samantha Allred

Fun Action Songs to Teach Your Toddler

These fun songs for toddlers and young kids are not only great for using up some of their extra energy, but they also teach coordination skills and help with language development. These are great songs to use on a rainy day or during the cold months of the year when kids are typically stuck indoors, but they would also be a great addition to your daily routine.

1. Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes – This is a classic song to teach your kids the basic body parts. After your kids learn the lyrics and actions, you can teach them to do the song really fast, really slow, or any other alternatives you can think of.

2. If You’re Happy and You Know It – This song will encourage kids to get creative and get moving. You can replace clapping your hands with different actions such as stomp your feet, blink your eyes, turn around, shout hooray, etc. Encourage the kids to come up with their own actions too!

3. Wheels on the Bus – We couldn’t make this list without including this song, which even toddlers can pick up on from a young age. This is a very popular song in our house that we sing at nearly every diaper change to distract our wiggly toddler.

4. Five Little Monkeys – Even if jumping on the bed is against the rules, this is a great song to help with gross motor development and getting wiggles out through lots of jumping. It also is a great tool to teach about numbers and counting.

5. Itsy Bitsy Spider – This simple song is short and sweet, but can help greatly with fine motor skills. Toddlers love it and can learn to mimic the simple actions.

Next time your kids need to get some wiggles out, consider teaching them some of these fun songs. When kids move to music, they are getting so much more than just exercise. They are developing coordination, balance, language, and concentration.

Photo by Taylor Gray on Unsplash

Magical Motivators for Mom

By Annette T. Durfee

UGH! The dishes are undone (again!), the laundry is ludicrous, and you sit defeated on the couch. You have a mile long list of things to do, but honestly, the motivation to do it just isn’t bubbling to the surface! Do you ever feel like that? I surely have. And perhaps it’s because I’ve felt like this SO often that I have developed a list of “go-tos,” or strategies to help me bite the bullet and turn miserable mayhem into a magical motivation. I thought I’d share a few that have helped me, in hopes that they will help you too!

1. Make it fun! Maybe I’m just a kid at heart, because although I know I could just power through and get the job done, a big part of me says, “why not make it fun?” This is where your creativity comes into play and the sky’s the limit, ladies! What would make this task A LOT of fun for you? Turning on the music and dancing while you go at it? (Yes, even if your children laugh at you!) Listening to a podcast while you work away? Or how about making it into a game? A few other ideas: I purposely buy my favorite scents for cleaning so I can relish the process more. And I’ve been known to let my mind wander as I work while planning a fun family frolic for the future.

2. Better with a buddy – Whether this is your husband, a child, or a really good friend, sometimes it is just easier as well as a lot more fun to tackle the work or a project with a friend in tow. While they help to shoulder the burden, you both enjoy conversation and even a few good laughs. Not only do you get something done that needs doing, but somehow, it seems less of a chore. And of course, the added bonus is that you simultaneously build a stronger relationship. When all is said and done, remember that turn around is fair play – you can offer to help them with what they need as well!

3. Set the timer – Sometimes the main problem is that I am overwhelmed. Have you been there? It just seems like there is too much to do, and where in the world do I start? So, instead of procrastinating, I tell myself, “I will only work for ten minutes at top speed, and then, if I feel like it, I can stop.” And sometimes I do just that and I honestly feel better because the task at hand is now significantly smaller and easier for the next time I have to face it. Other times, however, just rolling up my sleeves and really digging in produces momentum and my motivation soars. (Super Mom powers activate!) I find my mind actually enjoying the process and I don’t want to stop!

4. Reward yourself – I know that some people might look at this as “bribery,” but somehow, I don’t mind doing something if I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel: What sounds inspiring to you? bubble bath? a short nap? a few minutes with a good book? Or maybe a little snuggle time with your child? Make yourself a deal you can’t refuse, then follow through with it! A word of caution: While I have to admit I “love me” some chocolate, I would suggest steering away from food as a reward (at least on a constant basis) as we all know that would be trading one problem for another. And if all else fails, remember YOUR WHY! Think of the faces of your beautiful family and what they mean to you. You are worth it! They are worth it! Therein lies a reward in and of itself!

5. Reach out – If you find that your motivation is low for extended periods don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Goodness knows we ALL need it from time to time! What might this look like for you? Are you lonely? Who could you call for a good old-fashioned chat? Do you feel overwhelmed? Could you arrange for a sitter so you can hit your list head on? And what if you feel like sitting in bed day after day for weeks? If so, there is no shame in scheduling a trip to the doctor to help rule out or treat depression. Believe me, I’ve been there and I can assure you that there is help for you. You are not alone!

No matter what strategies you decide upon, I have faith that you WILL find a way. You can do this! You are enough and that magical motivation you need is waiting just around the corner. . .

Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash

How Would You Define “Discovery?”

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Hi, I’m Regan from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

My three-year-old’s favorite PBS show is called Dinosaur Train. Yesterday I walked in as the show was ending and Dr. Scott the Paleontologist announced that it was now time to turn off the TV, go outside, and “make your own discoveries!”

I borrowed a little of Dr. Scott’s enthusiasm and repeated the same invitation as I flicked the off button. I braced for the usual protest — “Just one more show!!!” but instead, my little guy looked at me with excitement in his eyes and said, “Yeah! Let’s go make our own discoveries!”

Then as an afterthought, he asked, “Mom, what’s a discovery?”

“Oh, child,” I said with awe in my voice as I grabbed his pudgy little hands, as we walked to the back door. “Discovery is looking around with eyes wide open. You see things you’ve already seen AND you notice brand new things. Then… Then…”

I paused to build his anticipation. We sat down to put on his shoes. “Then…”

“You think and you wonder and you ask questions and you want to know and learn and — ” (using my best mysterious voice, I continued) — ” you solve mysteries and expose secrets!”

His verbal response: “Awesome” was accompanied by a non-verbal response that was even better.

He took hold of his one-year old sister’s pudgy little hand, led her out the door, and with gentle joy, showed her a lady bug.

Mom, try exemplifying enthusiasm to spark the curiosity about real life as you limit screen time today, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Kevin Gent on Unsplash