Council from the CouncilMoms

Best Christmas Gift: Memories!

Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip!

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I’m starting out with a Confession: I haven’t always liked the holiday season — my husband is adorable — he has a childlike fascination with the festivities of winter and it is a sweet blessing to watch his whole-hearted devotion to all things Christmas. I have to keep working to overcome dregs of childhood memories when my mom was too stressed out by anything money related because she was single.

Part of the problem, I confess, is that we end up with too much stuff — and I really don’t like clutter… Especially paying money to get more clutter!

It’s my own fault! I want to make our children’s dreams come true! So I buy them the plastic toys and anxiously await the momentary glitter in their eyes when they tear open the wrapping paper! Then they give Santa all the credit… I’m not bitter, though!

Ahem,

So, my point is that over the years I have learned to give memories rather than stuff! For example, one year, I gave my daughters the gift of attending a mother/daughter retreat at a mansion at Bear Lake!

It was slightly more expensive than what we normally budget for Christmas gifts, but they won’t outgrow the fun we had, I won’t ever have to pick it up off the floor or give it to Goodwill or throw it away because it got broken!

Oh, and Santa won’t get the credit for it!!

Moms, as the Christmas season approaches, brainstorm: What memories can you give as gifts? How about going to a concert together? Getting season tickets to your favorite sports team? Signing up for a class together, maybe kickboxing at the gym or a second language at the local community college… A camping trip or a cruise? The key word is “together” and that’s how memories are made. Please share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

The Key to World Peace

By Esperanza DeLaLuz

I have been thinking about two quotes lately. The first, by E. M Forster, says, “I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.” It could be true. . . . If mothers could put nations on time-out, we would have a different world.

But then, dedicated mothers are usually too busy to be running the world.

Poet William Ross Wallace discussed the same theme when he said, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” To me this is the heart of the matter. Women who raise children who will seek peace, serve others, be positive and productive citizens of their countries and the world, can have an amazing and vast influence on the world scene. They deserve to be lauded, supported, encouraged.

But there has been a trend in the world to minimize the value of choosing to be a mother. Nowadays, motherhood is often seen as an adjunct—something less important than a paying job outside the home; something a woman does once the “real” work of life is well established and she can now afford to indulge in the luxury of taking time to have a child. By some of the prevailing philosophies, women who choose to spend most of their time as “only” mothers are not given the respect they deserve.

When I was a young mother, I went shopping one day with several little children in tow. Someone commented about how many children I had and how little I was contributing to the betterment of the world. (This was during the time when “zero population” was being popularized and politicized). It did hurt, but I said to that person, “My life work is to create and raise several people who will grow up and be contributing members of society, who will work to support themselves, serve others, obey laws, vote, and be productive members of society. What could anyone contribute more?”

And, you know, that person just clammed up and walked away.

I may not rule a nation, but I can teach my children how to govern themselves, and that is a priceless gift to the world.

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash

Fostering with a Mother-Heart

By Esperanza Svyeta

As the oldest daughter in a large family, with a mother that was absolutely devoted to her calling as a mother, I was blessed to feel fairly comfortable when I began to have children of my own. I’d had many opportunities to practice nurturing skills at home with my younger siblings, and my mother often talked to me about her philosophy of mothering and her great joy in it. I wanted nothing so much as to be a mother myself.

As an adult, I continued my education in the social work field, and raised my own family. Eventually, I also became a foster parent. This awesome opportunity is not for the faint-hearted. It can be very demanding and very frustrating. It is your “job” to mother the foster child in a way they likely have never actually experienced, and yet do nothing to interfere with the ability of the child to bond with the natural parents should they become able to once again take up the role of full-time parent. It is a fine line to walk and too many foster parents resign themselves to the role of caretaker and do not try to assume the role of a parent, because it is just too difficult to truly mother a child that you may lose at any time. I do understand this, but for me it was never possible to do it that way.

It is easier to do if one recognizes that “mother” need not be an exclusive role in a child’s life. In fact, studies have shown that the more positive and loving adult influences in a child’s life, the higher the likelihood of their own happiness and success in life. Therefore, a foster mother is a “second” mother, not the primary mother, but can have an effect that may be far ranging later in life. One foster mother told me, “You have to consider that if they graduate from high school, and they are not in jail, or on drugs . . you won!” The foster mother may never actually know the positive influence, but once in a great while one hears of child who remembered something of what they experienced in your home and it helped them.

Awhile back, a former foster child called and told me that she had gotten caught up in drugs and that when she hit rock bottom and wanted a lifeline to change she went to a local church (not my particular church) to find a God-fearing family that would help her straighten out. She stuck to it with them, and their pastor, and ended up off drugs, happily married, with two children. That was when she called to tell me that it was because she had lived with us (for only six months) that she knew the kind of place to go to get help to straighten out her life. It felt really good.

“The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation.” -James E. Faust

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

One for the Money, Two for the Show, Three to get Ready, Four to go

By Leigha Westover

This past week I began listening to Every Day Millionaire by Chris Hogan, a book my daughter recommended from her Finance class. In it, Hogan corrects some myths many believe make a millionaire. Using the old nursery rhyme, here is a little something I have taken from what he said:

One for the Money
Money is a tool, not the means, to becoming financially successful. DISCIPLINE and CONSISTENCY are the key ingredients.

Two for the Show
The purpose of having money is not showing off what you have. Money is for spending wisely on your needs, not trying to keep up with the neighbors.

Stay out of debt. Don’t get loans.

Three to get Ready
Hogan says, “We are only young once, but we are also only old once.” Preparing for the future starts today. You do this by saving wisely and not spending everything you get.

These are some other things to remember:
1. Take advantage of any matching funds your employer offers.
2. Most people don’t earn their money by taking high-risk investments; most people lose money by taking risks.
3. Know what your net worth is. Take all your assets and add them up. Being a millionaire does not mean you have millions in the bank.

Four to Go
Know what you want when you are 50. Do you picture yourself working, or spending time with your family and doing things for others? Make a plan and set some financial goals. Having a plan makes it possible to reach your destination.

The next book I plan to read is The Cheapskate Next Door by Jeff Yeager.

If you have any suggestions on books or ideas that have helped you, please share through our instagram or facebook!

Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

Thanksgiving in November and Always

By Stephanie Simmons

As Thanksgiving rolls around, it is always a time when I am redirected to my ever-present, yet often forgotten, goal to be more grateful and help my children to be more grateful as well. I think we all know that when we focus on what we have, we are happier and by extension, more giving of ourselves.

In my efforts to be a better person in general, I decided to start a gratitude journal. That evolved, or downgraded, to an app that I downloaded to my phone that reminds me each day to enter what I am grateful for on that day or moment. I set a low standard of listing at least three things each day. The app includes quotes on gratitude which I have enjoyed reading to help me remember and reflect on the importance of gratitude. I have been doing it for over 1000 days! I know that because the app encourages me every so often by updating me on how long I have been doing it. 🙂

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

We have done a few things as a family to help us be more grateful. As a parent, the hope is that this will help my children feel less entitled and more appreciative of what they have….

Here are a few ideas we have tried:

Go around the table at dinner and say three things we are grateful for.
Make a paper tree on our wall, and add leaves(write the thing we are grateful for) that we stick onto it. In the spring we switch to flowers.
Make a gratitude jar with a container of paper next to it. Whenever, or when asked (usually that is when it was actually done), write on the paper and add it to the jar. Our family has filled the jar a couple of times and when we do, we read them all together.
Model gratitude by expressing my gratitude aloud, or to my kids.

You can see the list isn’t very long, and often those ideas fall away and are forgotten, replaced, or resurrected. It is nice to have a month out of the year that reminds us to get back on track and focus on our many blessings.

QUESTION: What other ideas do you have to help you and your family to be more grateful throughout the year? Have you found gratitude to help you or your family?

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

Looking for ways to implement an attitude of gratitude with your children? Check out this list of Gratitude Practices for Children:

The Best Bedtime Songs for Kids

By Samantha Allred

Music is a fantastic tool to use in all stages of parenthood. Adding a lullaby to your kids’ bedtime routine can help them wind down at the end of the day. Listed below are some of the best songs for helping your little one relax at bedtime.

1. “You Are My Sunshine”

This is a well-known beloved lullaby and a hit song for many performers. The verses are quite melancholy, but the lyrics to the chorus are loving, memorable, and can be sung over and over again.

YouTube Link: You Are My Sunshine

2. “Edelweiss”

This sweet waltz is the perfect song to lull your baby to sleep. There are many versions of this song, but this cover by JJ Heller is one of my favorites.

YouTube Link: Edelweiss

3. “Your Song” by Elton John

This song is my go-to song to sing to my baby girl. I can’t help but tear up when I sing, “How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.”

YouTube Link: Your Song

4. “Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles

The melody of this song is perfect to help littles ones drift off to sleep. Sweet, uplifting, and simple. What else do you need from a lullaby?

YouTube Link: Here Comes the Sun

5. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” covered by JJ Heller

This song has lulled many babies into a golden slumber. Just don’t think about the flying monkeys and you’ll be fine. My favorite cover of this classic is, once again, by the incredible JJ Heller.

YouTube Link: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

6. Stay Awake” by Julie Andrews

Disney movies have so many songs that make fantastic lullabies. Take a tip from the incomparable Mary Poppins and use some reverse psychology to help your little ones drift off to sleep.

YouTube Link: Stay Awake

7. “You’ll Be in my Heart” – Phil Collins

Another Disney classic. This is exactly the message you want to sing to your kids at the end of the day.

YouTube Link: You’ll Be in my Heart

These songs are simple, easy to remember, and can be sung by singers of all skill levels. If you aren’t feeling up to singing, consider making a playlist on your favorite audio streaming service and let the music lull your little ones into a sweet slumber.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash