By Annette T. Durfee

All is well!  All is well!  Or so we thought!  Our oldest son had a GREAT idea!  Why not test our family’s preparedness level by holding an evacuation from our home?  So, without telling anyone about it (except for me), we gathered for our weekly Family Night to hear the plan:  We had 5 minutes to get whatever we needed and off we would go in the Durfeemobile to our designated meeting spot for further evaluation.  No problem, I thought.  Surely we know what to do.  Easy peasy!  Except that the kids had other ideas on what was important . . .

While I was finding my phone and purse, my four-year-old son, went directly to the pantry to get a large can of “fruit cottontail” as he called it, except that he dropped it on his toe sending him squealing in pain.  Instead of spearheading our evacuation process, I ran to give comfort and administer first aid to his bleeding wound.  Four minutes later, I rounded the corner to find that our two-year-old had dumped his Halloween candy helter-skelter onto the front room floor in order to find the best pieces to take.  You’re kidding me!

I hurriedly shoved some shoes onto his feet and grabbed our coats as the girls came barreling down the stairs with a laundry basket full of their stuffed animals.  Really?  I just about lost it, but the time was up, so we all piled in the car.  Once we arrived at the church, we laughed hysterically as we surveyed the load in our car.  Thankfully, my husband and oldest son had managed to heave our 72-hour kits and a few jugs of water into the car, so we weren’t that bad off.  I mean, we could survive, but we knew that there were some things lacking in our emergency preparedness that we wanted to remedy.

If you’re like our family, you try to surge through life hoping for the best, but often find that accidents are, well, so accidental!  Life as we know is full of bumps along the path and without even trying, flat tires, injury, unexpected job loss, sickness, death in the family, and yes, even natural disasters can sneak up on us without a moment’s notice.  Well, I want to be ready, how about you?

When the time for an emergency arrives, the time for preparation is past. So why not head off the stress and panic that can come at the moment of an emergency?  Why not make the decision to be prepared?  With a few guiding principles and a little time educating ourselves and planning well, we can create safe places for our families.  So buckle your seat belt folks, ‘cuz ready or not, here we come! 

1. Start small.  Start today.  There are about a billion ways we could begin, and endless resources, but don’t let that stop you!  Don’t wait until you have a lot of $ saved up.  Don’t wait for a better time!  This is no time to be a victim of all or nothing thinking.  Keep it small.  Keep it simple.  Your ideas are the right ones for your family.  Gather a few items together that you already have and build from there.

2. Anticipate needs and make a plan with your family. Mr. Fred Rogers said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

Likewise, as we talk about and plan for emergencies, they become less scary and we can help our families become emotionally resilient.

Brainstorm together: 

• What disasters are prevalent in our area? 
• What might happen? 
• What do we do if . . .?
• What needs could arise in each instance? 
• What would be helpful then?
• What insurance do we need? 
• How will we communicate during an emergency? 
• Do the children know their phone number?  
• Who could be our out-of-town emergency contact?
• What needs would our baby have?
• An elderly friend or parent? Pets? 
• When will we practice our plan?

By anticipating our families’ needs, we create more options and access to lifesaving supplies that would otherwise be in short supply at the time of a crisis. 

(See also, “Helping Children Cope With Disaster,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/children.pdf)

“Family Emergency Planning,” https://www.ready.gov/kids/family-emergency-planning

3. Have the good sense to save some cents!  I like Benjamin Franklin’s adage, “Watch the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.”  Since we never know when an emergency will pop up, it makes sense to have a little extra money in our savings.  My husband and I were students for the first ten years of our marriage, so we learned early on the value of buying what we really needed and saving up for a rainy day.  I’ll admit that sometimes I felt sorry for myself for not being able to buy some of the things on our want list, but as we continued to set aside a small (and I mean small) amount each month, it eventually added up.  During those months when he didn’t get paid, we could pay ourselves – a true investment! 

(See also, “One for the Money,” Elder Marvin J. Ashton,https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/09/one-for-the-money?lang=eng  

 4. Home Safe Home:  Because many accidents can begin in the home, it is important to make our homes a place of safety.  Again, good ole Benjamin Franklin provides the answer:  “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”  So the first step in having a home that is secure is to prevent a problem in the first place.   Let’s start increasing our awareness of our home environment by taking a quick survey of our homes:

• What possible hazards do you identify?   
• What can we do to prevent slips and falls?
• Drowning, suffocation, and strangulation?
• Fires and burns? Medications and poisons locked away?  Check!
• Batteries for smoke alarm tested? Check!
• Fire extinguisher within reach?  Check! 

What other preventative measures can you think of to reduce the risks and avert the booby traps in your home?

(See also, “Safe Kids Worldwide,” https://www.safekids.org/

“A Guide to Home Safety:  Identifying and Preventing Hazards,” https://www.safehome.org/resources/home-hazards/

5. Having supplies, water, and food puts you in a good mood!  With a little planning and occasional rotation, you can have lifesaving items ready for use right in the safety of your own home. And when hungry tummies come calling, you’ll be so glad that you’re ready!  I found that by stocking up on basic items when they were on sale, we were able to build up our supply to a reasonable amount over time.

An easy place to start is to ask questions like these: 

• If there were a crisis right now and we had to rely on what we have on hand today, what would we wish that we had? 
• What foods does my family enjoy? 
• Would a garden provide some options? 
• In a time of emergency, with what fuel will we cook it?  

Water, as you know, is also important, not only when we’re thirsty, but to aid in food preparation, hygiene, and sanitation.  And so, my friends, we ask the hard question, “what will we do if we can’t get clean water out of our faucet?”  When the apartment of one of my daughters had to turn off the water for three days, she and her husband were well taken care of, having stored water ahead of time in juice and soda bottles that they had rinsed out and refilled.  What could you do to prepare for such a time? 

And if we are truly going to be prepared at home, let’s not forget other necessities:  Is our first aid kit updated?  Do we all know where the flashlight is and do we have extra batteries?  Do I have a secret stash of cash on hand (in small bills)?  And do we have blankets and warm clothing in case the power is out and we have to dress more warmly?  Now there are a few sanity savers right there! And last but not least, may I mention that having some extra supplies in the cupboard such as deodorant, hand soap, toothpaste, dish soap, laundry detergent, feminine products and of course toilet paper (boy do we all know this!!) will go a long way in keeping this mama happy! 

(See also, “Food and Water in an Emergency,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/f&web.pdf)

“What’s That Smell:  Sanitation When Systems Fail.” https://drive.google.com/file/d/1f_ZSwBzWF9OMfg_t18UNI23rqrwQ0OOo/view

6. On the Road Again:  Because we are in our cars so much of the time, we would be wise to doublecheck that we are taking precautions to ensure that our family is safe there as well: 

• Is the car seat for my child the correct size? 
• Have I taken my child’s car seat for a certified safety check and made sure that it is installed properly? 
• Do I make sure that my children are only sitting in the front seat if they are older than 12? 
• Do I remember to never leave a child in a hot car? 
• Do I exercise tough love by insisting that my children wear a seat belt, even when they throw a fit? (That never happens, right?)
• As the driver, am I doing everything I can to keep them safe by exercising self-restraint? 
• Do they see me wearing my seat belt?
• Do I drive when I am well rested?
• Do I refrain from drinking alcohol? 
• Do I drive the speed limit consistently? 
• Do I remove distractions such as cell phones while I drive? 
• Have I packed a car kit in the trunk with things like a first aid kit, gloves, flashlight, gas can, jumper cables, a blanket, extra water, graham crackers, and as ALWAYS – extra diapers and wipes! 

As part of our preparation, we might even include a little refresher course on a few things like how to change a flat or how to USE those jumper cables. I’m sure you can think of other things.  Most of these safety measures only take a few seconds, but in the long run, you’ll thank yourself and your family will too. 

(See also National Safety Council – https://www.nsc.org/road/safety-topics/child-passenger-safety/child-passenger-safety-home

7. Emergency Evacuation:  In the event that you need to leave your home, what would be a good gathering spot for your family?  Where will you meet if all of you are not home when the need to leave arises?  As our family found out, in a moment of panic, it is easy for our minds to forget what things we need to have.  To remedy this, we wrote up a list of our Top 10 items that we should grab in case of an evacuation and posted them on a paper by the garage door: 

1.  72 Hour Kits
2. Water
3.  Important Papers binder
4. Cell phone/charger
5. Wallet/keys
6. Shoes and coat
7. Tent/Hammer
8. Family Photos
9. Instruments
10. Laptop Computer

My daughter, now a grown mother, has created a very nice detailed list prioritizing their list of items as determined by whether they have 5, 10, or 15 minutes to leave and stating where in the house the items are located.  What would be some things that are important to you in case your family had to leave your home?

Will planning and preparing make a difference?  Well . . .When our family lived in Illinois, we often had tornados raging through our area.  To help us to be ready for a possible disaster, we assembled 72-hour kits that we safely stored in the closet underneath the staircase with simple items such as a change of clothes, snacks, water, a battery powered radio, a flashlight, and books and small toys for the children.  When the tornado sirens would go off, we knew the drill:  we would gather the kiddos and go into the closet until the storm had passed. 

Imagine our surprise when one day our son prayed that we could have another tornado!  GASP! That’s going a bit far, wouldn’t you say?  When we asked him why on earth he had said that, he replied that he wanted to play in the closet.  It was fun!  Well, at least he felt safe and we as his parents had greater peace of mind, knowing we had done what we could.  We were ready!  

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

One day, my 12 year old son came to me, telling me he was tired of getting reprimanded. Now, he’s a good kid with a great sense of humor. He has excellent work ethic and is very thorough *when* he does his chores.

This particular day, he hadn’t yet done his chores even after several reminders… and as he voiced his concern, I had to agree that I had indeed been getting on him quite a bit for his annoying actions towards his siblings.

I never intended to be the kind of mother who points out everything my child is doing wrong. I also regretted focusing on his faults, since I buy into the concept that what you focus on increases! I took a deep breath and hugged him and suggested we have a chat, assuring him that I knew one of his talents is his willingness to talk things over!

We discussed what kinds of actions were getting him into trouble. As our conversation continued, it became clear that he had been so busy bugging his brothers and sisters that he ran out of time to do his chores.

I decided to take what we were learning and phrase it more positively:

When you’re busy doing the things you’re supposed to be doing, you won’t have time to get in trouble!

I can think of all sorts of ways this applies to life! Not just the life of a sweet 12 year old who is feeling worn down, but to all of us who struggle with guilt. Sometimes I’m so aware of my imperfections and basically, reprimand myself all day — that it sucks away my energy to accomplish the good stuff. 

So I’m going to start taking my own advice and flip that dynamic to my benefit. I’m going to be so busy with the good stuff that the bad stuff will naturally get cut out of my time-limited day. I won’t have time to scowl, yell, and complain because I’ll be too busy being grateful, giving compliments and encouragement, and smiling instead.

Mom, try replacing the things that get you in trouble with good things that you’re supposed to be doing! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Paul Skorupskas on Unsplash

By Samantha Allred

Self-affirmations are positive statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes. Here are 5 affirmations that you can use to transform your thoughts about motherhood and inspire you to be a better mom. 

1. I find joy in the everyday moments of my life. 
2. I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my children. 
3. I am an amazing mom, even as I work hard to make improvements. 
4. I will be present and in the moment when talking to my children. 
5. Motherhood is the most important job in the world. 

If you feel like you need a mindset change, give affirmations a try. The key to affirmations is to use them frequently. Work them into a part of your morning routine, such as brushing your teeth or getting dressed. Write them down and post them on your mirror. Upload them to your phone wallpaper so you see them every time you open your phone. Some say them out loud, some repeat them in their mind during meditation, and others write them in a journal. Do whatever works for you. Your thoughts and words have the power to change your mindset and help you achieve your goals. 

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

By Esperanza DeLaLuz

“I am just a mom.” 

When I hear someone say that, I want to proclaim: You’re doing the most important job on earth!! Raising healthy, happy, productive children deserves more than the lowly phrase, “I am just a mom.” 

Abraham Lincoln, our great president, said, “All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

Not everyone knows that the angel mother to whom he refers is actually his stepmother. His birth mother died when he was nine and, the following year, his father remarried. Sarah had children of her own, yet she was a loving and devoted mother to all of the children, and she especially nurtured Abraham in his desire to learn and read. 

This is a comforting thought to those of us who are stepmothers, aunts, foster moms, and grandmothers, or who are in other positions of nurturing. The task of mothering is not only the province of those who give birth. To “mother”—which is defined as “to look after kindly and protectively”—is incredibly demanding, and just as incredibly—and critically—important. To mother is a noble task and those who participate in it, to any extent, are doing a great and valuable work.

However, in the midst of diapers, tantrums, mischief, and defiance, it may be a challenge to feel that one is engaged in a noble task. Often it feels like we are in “survival mode.” Roseann Barr once joked that if her children were alive at the end of the day, she had done her job as a mother. 

I know for every mother there are days which feel like that. On those days, it can help to remember Abraham Lincoln’s feelings about his “angel mother,” and recognize that someday it may be your influence that sways the world. 

The next time you are deciding whether to scrub the crayon mural off the wall or frame it, remember Sarah Bush Johnston Lincoln, keep calm and mother on!

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I’m starting out with a Confession: I haven’t always liked the holiday season — my husband is adorable — he has a childlike fascination with the festivities of winter and it is a sweet blessing to watch his whole-hearted devotion to all things Christmas. I have to keep working to overcome dregs of childhood memories when my mom was too stressed out by anything money related because she was single. 

Part of the problem, I confess, is that we end up with too much stuff — and I really don’t like clutter… Especially paying money to get more clutter! 

It’s my own fault! I want to make our children’s dreams come true! So I buy them the plastic toys and anxiously await the momentary glitter in their eyes when they tear open the wrapping paper!  Then they give Santa all the credit… I’m not bitter, though!

Ahem, 

So, my point is that over the years I have learned to give memories rather than stuff! For example, one year, I gave my daughters the gift of attending a mother/daughter retreat at a mansion at Bear Lake!

It was slightly more expensive than what we normally budget for Christmas gifts, but they won’t outgrow the fun we had, I won’t ever have to pick it up off the floor or give it to Goodwill or throw it away because it got broken!

Oh, and Santa won’t get the credit for it!!

Moms, as the Christmas season approaches, brainstorm: What memories can you give as gifts? How about going to a concert together? Getting season tickets to your favorite sports team? Signing up for a class together, maybe kickboxing at the gym or a second language at the local community college… A camping trip or a cruise? The key word is “together” and that’s how memories are made. Please share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Mick Haupt on Unsplash

By Esperanza DeLaLuz

I have been thinking about two quotes lately. The first, by E. M Forster, says, “I am sure that if the mothers of various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.” It could be true. . . . If mothers could put nations on time-out, we would have a different world. 

But then, dedicated mothers are usually too busy to be running the world. 

Poet William Ross Wallace discussed the same theme when he said, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.”  To me this is the heart of the matter. Women who raise children who will seek peace, serve others, be positive and productive citizens of their countries and the world, can have an amazing and vast influence on the world scene. They deserve to be lauded, supported, encouraged.

But there has been a trend in the world to minimize the value of choosing to be a mother. Nowadays, motherhood is often seen as an adjunct—something less important than a paying job outside the home; something a woman does once the “real” work of life is well established and she can now afford to indulge in the luxury of taking time to have a child. By some of the prevailing philosophies, women who choose to spend most of their time as “only” mothers are not given the respect they deserve.

When I was a young mother, I went shopping one day with several little children in tow. Someone commented about how many children I had and how little I was contributing to the betterment of the world. (This was during the time when “zero population” was being popularized and politicized). It did hurt, but I said to that person, “My life work is to create and raise several people who will grow up and be contributing members of society, who will work to support themselves, serve others, obey laws, vote, and be productive members of society.  What could anyone contribute more?”

And, you know, that person just clammed up and walked away.
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I may not rule a nation, but I can teach my children how to govern themselves, and that is a priceless gift to the world.

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash