Fostering with a Mother-Heart

Fostering with a Mother-Heart

By Esperanza Svyeta

As the oldest daughter in a large family, with a mother that was absolutely devoted to her calling as a mother, I was blessed to feel fairly comfortable when I began to have children of my own. I’d had many opportunities to practice nurturing skills at home with my younger siblings, and my mother often talked to me about her philosophy of mothering and her great joy in it. I wanted nothing so much as to be a mother myself.

As an adult, I continued my education in the social work field, and raised my own family. Eventually, I also became a foster parent. This awesome opportunity is not for the faint-hearted. It can be very demanding and very frustrating. It is your “job” to mother the foster child in a way they likely have never actually experienced, and yet do nothing to interfere with the ability of the child to bond with the natural parents should they become able to once again take up the role of full-time parent. It is a fine line to walk and too many foster parents resign themselves to the role of caretaker and do not try to assume the role of a parent, because it is just too difficult to truly mother a child that you may lose at any time. I do understand this, but for me it was never possible to do it that way.

It is easier to do if one recognizes that “mother” need not be an exclusive role in a child’s life. In fact, studies have shown that the more positive and loving adult influences in a child’s life, the higher the likelihood of their own happiness and success in life. Therefore, a foster mother is a “second” mother, not the primary mother, but can have an effect that may be far ranging later in life. One foster mother told me, “You have to consider that if they graduate from high school, and they are not in jail, or on drugs . . you won!” The foster mother may never actually know the positive influence, but once in a great while one hears of child who remembered something of what they experienced in your home and it helped them. 

Awhile back, a former foster child called and told me that she had gotten caught up in drugs and that when she hit rock bottom and wanted a lifeline to change she went to a local church (not my particular church) to find a God-fearing family that would help her straighten out. She stuck to it with them, and their pastor, and ended up off drugs, happily married, with two children. That was when she called to tell me that it was because she had lived with us (for only six months) that she knew the kind of place to go to get help to straighten out her life. It felt really good.

“The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation.” -James E. Faust

One for the Money, Two for the Show, Three to get Ready, Four to go

One for the Money, Two for the Show, Three to get Ready, Four to go

By Leigha Westover

    This past week I began listening to Every Day Millionaire by Chris Hogan, a book my daughter recommended from her Finance class. In it, Hogan corrects some myths many believe make a millionaire. Using the old nursery rhyme, here is a little something I have taken from what he said:

    One for the Money
    Money is a tool, not the means, to becoming financially successful. DISCIPLINE  and CONSISTENCY are the key ingredients.

    Two for the Show
    The purpose of having money is not showing off what you have. Money is for spending wisely on your needs, not trying to keep up with the neighbors.

    Stay out of debt. Don’t get loans.

    Three to get Ready
    Hogan says, “We are only young once, but we are also only old once.” Preparing for the future starts today. You do this by saving wisely and not spending everything you get.

    These are some other things to remember:
    1. Take advantage of any matching funds your employer offers.
    2. Most people don’t earn their money by taking high-risk investments; most people lose money by taking risks.
    3. Know what your net worth is. Take all your assets and add them up. Being a millionaire does not mean you have millions in the bank.

    Four to Go
    Know what you want when you are 50. Do you picture yourself working, or spending time with your family and doing things for others? Make a plan and set some financial goals. Having a plan makes it possible to reach your destination.

    The next book I plan to read is The Cheapskate Next Door by Jeff Yeager.

    If you have any suggestions on books or ideas that have helped you, please share through our instagram or facebook!

    Photo by micheile henderson on Unsplash

    Thanksgiving in November and Always

    Thanksgiving in November and Always

    By Stephanie Simmons

    As Thanksgiving rolls around, it is always a time when I am redirected to my ever-present, yet often forgotten, goal to be more grateful and help my children to be more grateful as well. I think we all know that when we focus on what we have, we are happier and by extension, more giving of ourselves

    In my efforts to be a better person in general, I decided to start a gratitude journal. That evolved, or downgraded, to an app that I downloaded to my phone that reminds me each day to enter what I am grateful for on that day or moment. I set a low standard of listing at least three things each day. The app includes quotes on gratitude which I have enjoyed reading to help me remember and reflect on the importance of gratitude. I have been doing it for over 1000 days! I know that because the app encourages me every so often by updating me on how long I have been doing it. 🙂

    Thanksgiving Traditions

    We have done a few things as a family to help us be more grateful. As a parent, the hope is that this will help my children feel less entitled and more appreciative of what they have…. 

    Here are a few ideas we have tried:

    • Go around the table at dinner and say three things we are grateful for.
    • Make a paper tree on our wall, and add leaves(write the thing we are grateful for) that we stick onto it. In the spring we switch to flowers.
    • Make a gratitude jar with a container of paper next to it. Whenever, or when asked (usually that is when it was actually done), write on the paper and add it to the jar. Our family has filled the jar a couple of times and when we do, we read them all together.
    • Model gratitude by expressing my gratitude aloud, or to my kids.

    You can see the list isn’t very long, and often those ideas fall away and are forgotten, replaced, or resurrected. It is nice to have a month out of the year that reminds us to get back on track and focus on our many blessings.

    QUESTION: What other ideas do you have to help you and your family to be more grateful throughout the year? Have you found gratitude to help you or your family?

    Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash

    Looking for ways to implement an attitude of gratitude with your children?  Check out this list of Gratitude Practices for Children:

    gratitude practices for kids
    The Best Bedtime Songs for Kids

    The Best Bedtime Songs for Kids

    By Samantha Allred

    Music is a fantastic tool to use in all stages of parenthood. Adding a lullaby to your kids’ bedtime routine can help them wind down at the end of the day. Listed below are some of the best songs for helping your little one relax at bedtime. 

    1. “You Are My Sunshine”

    This is a well-known beloved lullaby and a hit song for many performers. The verses are quite melancholy, but the lyrics to the chorus are loving, memorable, and can be sung over and over again.  

    YouTube Link: You Are My Sunshine

     

    2. “Edelweiss”

    This sweet waltz is the perfect song to lull your baby to sleep. There are many versions of this song, but this cover by JJ Heller is one of my favorites. 

    YouTube Link: Edelweiss

     

    3. “Your Song” by Elton John

    This song is my go-to song to sing to my baby girl. I can’t help but tear up when I sing, “How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.” 

    YouTube Link: Your Song

     

    4. “Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles 

    The melody of this song is perfect to help littles ones drift off to sleep. Sweet, uplifting, and simple. What else do you need from a lullaby?

    YouTube Link: Here Comes the Sun

     

    5. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” covered by JJ Heller

    This song has lulled many babies into a golden slumber. Just don’t think about the flying monkeys and you’ll be fine. My favorite cover of this classic is, once again, by the incredible JJ Heller.

    YouTube Link: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

     

    6. Stay Awake” by Julie Andrews 

    Disney movies have so many songs that make fantastic lullabies. Take a tip from the incomparable Mary Poppins and use some reverse psychology to help your little ones drift off to sleep. 

    YouTube Link: Stay Awake

     

    7. “You’ll Be in my Heart” – Phil Collins

    Another Disney classic. This is exactly the message you want to sing to your kids at the end of the day. 

    YouTube Link: You’ll Be in my Heart

     

    These songs are simple, easy to remember, and can be sung by singers of all skill levels. If you aren’t feeling up to singing, consider making a playlist on your favorite audio streaming service and let the music lull your little ones into a sweet slumber. 

    Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

    How To Consume Less Candy This Halloween

    How To Consume Less Candy This Halloween

    Here's an audio clip so you can listen to the Mom Tip while you flip pancakes!

    Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience. 

    I’m going to share a Halloween story but don’t worry it’s not scary…

    It features my now-eleven year old son, a precious memory from when he was just four. Our Halloween festivities started off with a “Trunk-or-Treat” activity in the church parking lot. This might be a local phenomenon so I’ll describe it briefly… participants drive their cars to a large parking lot and then open their trunks and decorate them. Then Instead of going door to door, children go from trunk to trunk, where the vehicle owner hands out their sweet offerings. My little guy greatly enjoyed gathering these goodies but the weather got pretty cold so we headed home once he was pleased with his amount of candy.

    At home, we had ghouls and goblins knocking on our door yelling trick or treat, and this is when things got really fun for this sweet four year old boy!

    He got so excited to have guests that *he* could give candy to! He opened the door and let them have candy out of his own loot bag!

    I figured he was just too little to understand Halloween, so I re-directed him to the bowl of candy that we had purchased to give away, but each time he heard a knock, he opted to give from his own stash until it dwindled away to nothing, which seemed to be his goal: he was thrilled when all his treats were gone!

    The joy on his face was the kind that only comes from selfless giving. His glow lit up the Halloween night! Better than any jack o lantern.

    It may have only been matched by my glow as a proud mom watching this innate sense of happiness derived from making others happy!

    I’ve tried to remember that example and apply it to my own life — how selfless giving is the source of true joy. And hey, it might mean fewer cavities and calories, too! Mama, look for lessons you can learn from your child’s innocence, then share if this practice elevates your mothering! 

    Photo by Tolgahan Akbulut on Unsplash

    Simplified Meal Times

    Simplified Meal Times

    Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

    Ya know, I wouldn’t mind feeding my kids if they would just stay full. But no matter how much love I put into a meal, how much effort or energy or planning… they’re hungry again in just a few hours.

    Over the couple of decades that I’ve been studying motherhood, I’ve determined that if I can make homemade meals less complicated, the more committed I’ll be to the work involved, and our whole family can bask in the many benefits: health, financial, and familial.

    I now have happy meal planning sessions because I just focus on including three elements in each meal: a protein (plant-based more often than not), a grain (ideally a whole one), and a fruit or veggie (bonus points for fresh produce!).

    I have removed some pressure from myself by teaching these elements to my kids, and having them do a mental checklist as they feed themselves breakfast or pack their school lunches. We have a list posted on the inside of a cabinet door so they can choose from things that are generally part of each week’s grocery trip.

    Oh, how I’d love to have a week’s worth of dinners neatly typed up every Sunday night, but that’s a battle I have only won periodically. Instead, I aim to know by 10am what we’ll have for dinner that night — and that has been a more victorious way for me to meal-plan! One way I thin-out the myriad possibilities is by assigning a theme to each night and finding a recipe that fits the genre. International night! Pasta night! Chicken night! Beans & rice night! Potatoes night! Seafood night! Leftovers night!

    I don’t *really* want my kiddos to stop eating. I know it might keep my kitchen cleaner, but I’ve observed that kids with full tummies behave better, not to mention the obvious gains in physical growth. So, these simplified systems help me stay committed to healthful home-based meals and endure with confidence my family’s continual need for nourishment.

    Mom, what are some ways you can simplify this task that takes place at least 21 times each week? Increase how often you eat meals at home by brainstorming ways to meet the challenges inherent in this duty. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

     

    Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash