Council from the CouncilMoms

Patriotic Songs to Teach Your Kids

By Samantha Allred

Happy 4th of July! It’s a day of barbeques, fireworks, and parades and you can have even more fun by teaching your little ones some patriotic songs to sing during the festivities. Thanks to childfun.com and famlii.com for the suggestions!

On the Fourth of July
(Sung to the tune of London Bridge)

It’s our country’s birthday,
Birthday, birthday.
It’s our country’s birthday,
On the Fourth of July!

Fireworks go Snap, Snap, Snap!

(Sung to the tune of Mary Had a Little Lamb)
Fireworks go snap, snap, snap!
Crack, crack, crack!
Zap, zap, zap!
Fireworks make me clap, clap, clap
On Independence Day!

This Land is Your Land

This land is your land,
This land is my land,
From California to the New York Island,
From the Redwood Forest,
To the Gulf Stream waters,
This land was made for you and me.

Way Up in the Sky

(Sung to the tune of ‘Row, Row, Row Your Boat.”
Wave, wave, wave the flag,
Hold it very high.
Watch the colors gently wave,
Way up in the sky.

March, march, march around,
Hold the flag up high.
Wave, wave, wave the flag,
Way up in the sky.

Photo by Cristina Glebova on Unsplash

Family Team Discussion

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

We usually END our tip with a challenge, but I’m going to START that way today: Gather your family and have a discussion about how your family is a TEAM…

Have everyone close their eyes and visualize whatever comes to their mind when they hear the word TEAM. Then have everyone share! Maybe your discussion will go a little like our family’s did…

My oldest child pictured his favorite football team, the Broncos. Specifically, the logo since he was wearing Peyton Manning’s jersey. This taught us that there are individual team members and that teams are identified by certain artwork. I wondered if our family team has a logo of sorts?

Next, my husband brought up the Red Sox and how they finally won the World Series after decades of not… Talk about team solidarity, and keeping on attempting to win no matter how many losses precede the final victory!

My twins had the same thing in mind — they are, after all, identical — they had our favorite university playing against its rival. Upon further questioning, though, it turns out one of them was picturing a basketball game while the other had football in mind. That brought up the fact that there are different sports, and that there are competitions and rivalries… My brain kept trying to figure out how this applies to our family team.

My four year old’s one-word contribution was, “Winning!” He also noted that winning is followed up with partying!

My second oldest, Truman, pictured a team of people playing Dungeons and Dragons. This brought up the fact that not all teams are sports teams — a perfect way for me to introduce the idea that our FAMILY is a TEAM, and that we want to WIN!

Moms, try having this discussion about viewing your family as a TEAM — then share with us on Facebook if practicing this new family vision elevates your mothering!

Photo by Mike Scheid on Unsplash

What’s with the ‘Tude, Dude?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Have you ever been in a situation where complaining or whining might be justified, but for some reason you chose to take a deep breath and stay calm. It’s not easy, but it’s rewards are immediate! The challenge to accept responsibility for one’s own reaction is one of those self-discipline muscles that we need to build — and life gives us plenty of opportunities.

When we can’t control anything else about our circumstances, we can at least keep control of ourselves, our emotions, our attitude.

Charles Swindoll, founder of the radio program Insights for Living, got it right when he said:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important … than education, than money, … than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.

It will make or break a company, a church, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. …

We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you.

We are in charge of our attitudes.”

I want to empower my children by teaching them this concept, and I work (it is definitely WORK) to set an example of it, and together we’re discovering all the ways we can improve our personal reality simply by smiling, or letting things go, or looking for solutions, what we CAN do, rather than dwelling on the CAN’Ts. We aren’t perfect, — and yet we try to maintain a good attitude about our imperfections!

Mama, examine your attitude and how you might upgrade it in just one way today, and see what a difference it makes. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Ahmed Zayan on Unsplash

LGBTQ+ Youth: Family Reactions to Coming out

By Haley Lachnidt

I asked people who identify with the LGBTQ+ community what they wish their families would or wouldn’t have said when they came out, and these were the responses:

“If my parents would have shown a little bit of support it would have made a world of difference. Instead, they took away all of my possessions that made me happy, they bullied and beat me. Now, they can’t understand why I can’t get close to them. I just wanted to be accepted. Now they tell me they don’t believe I’m really bisexual.”

“I wish my mom would have said something, anything at all. I wish my dad would have told me that he still loved me, rather than telling me I was going to fail at every relationship for the rest of my life.”

“I wish they didn’t tell me what I was doing is disgusting.”

“I just wish my sister wouldn’t have said ‘you just left an abusive relationship, you aren’t gay, it’s just a phase,’ not realizing I’ve been gay my whole life. I just hid my sexuality and forced myself to wear a straight mask in order to survive our family. My parents were the only people that didn’t know, and when I finally got the guts to tell them, my mom couldn’t shut up about how my brother is dating ‘a bisexual’ and how disgusted she is by it. I wish I could hear ‘I just want you to be happy, I love you no matter what.’ I know I will never hear that from my family, so I always make sure I say it to my own son.”

“I wish my mom hadn’t acted accepting and then requested I leave my identity at home when she’d invite me over. I wish she had the decency to say what she really wanted to say about it when I came to her the first time, instead of pretending and giving me false hope that I’m still accepted.”

“I wish my father hadn’t said I need therapy and would have accepted me along with all of my friends.”

“I haven’t told my family. I have known I’m gay since I was 11 years old and I have not told anybody. I did try to tell my mom when I first discovered it, and she questioned me like she didn’t believe me or trust in the fact that I know who I am attracted to. She’d go behind my back talking to my friends about how my taste in men has always been feminine men, but she’d also say it was only a phase. She acted accepting to my face, but I could see in her eyes and in the things she’d say behind my back that she didn’t mean it. I’ve hinted it towards the rest of my family but I also listen to the things and the slurs they openly say when talking about the LGBTQ community. I don’t think I will ever tell them. I know if I did I wouldn’t have a family anymore, and that’s the loneliest feeling in the world. I just wish I could have a family, even if they don’t understand it, I wish they would just accept me as their family no matter who I love. I wish I didn’t have to feel like a stranger and an outsider in my own family anymore.”

“I wish my dad would’ve started using my chosen name and pronouns. I wish he wouldn’t have made me out to be the bad guy, like me being who I am was causing him pain.”

“I have been lucky. My mom has been absolutely lovely. I actually got this text from her the week after I told her. She had bought a decorative pillow with hearts in the shape of a rainbow and told me ‘bought you something, I love you for who you are.’ She asked some questions that you generally shouldn’t ask, but she gets a pass because I want her to ask me anything if it can help her to understand. She’s supportive, it’s just still new to her. I also got a text from my aunt after I spent a weekend with her and told her I have a girlfriend. She essentially said she will always be the leader of my fan club because I’m her girl, I’m me no matter who I love, and that the whole family will always love me for me, no matter what.”

LGBTQ youth want nothing more than to be loved and accepted by their family. Family is the most important thing no matter who you love or who someone else in your family loves. When anybody, part of the LGBTQ+ community or not, has family on their side, facing the rest of the world becomes a lot easier than it would be without family.

LGBTQ youth face many challenges from the rest of the world. Challenges such as bullying, harassment, discrimination, stalking, and even trouble finding jobs or being allowed to participate in extracurricular activities at school, and the only reason for this hatred is because of who they can’t help but love.

With family on their side, the risks LGBTQ youth face as a consequence of harrassment and discrimination such as self-harm, suicide, mental illness, homelessness, and substance abuse can greatly decrease.

Hate does not counteract love. Love conquers all.

Photo by Jiroe (Matia Rengel) on Unsplash

Our Secret Weapon

By Annette T. Durfee

Here’s a riddle for ya: What doesn’t cost a cent, is non-fattening, and we literally NEED it to survive? If you guessed a HUG, you are right! Yes, a good old-fashioned hug! Can you believe it? Something so simple as a hug is actually a necessary part of our survival as human beings. The reason for this is that when we hug or are hugged our body releases oxytocin (a hormone that reduces that stress producing hormone cortisol). So, the more hugs we have, the better we can handle the stresses life throws in our path. In fact, Psychotherapist Virginia Satir found out that we literally NEED 4 hugs a day, just to survive, 8 hugs for our maintenance, and for 12 hugs a day for growth!

Just how powerful is a hug anyway? If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, then it might not surprise you that 12 hugs a day might just do the trick as well. Medically speaking, a 10 second hug has a powerful effect on our health. It not only does wonders by lowering blood pressure, but it can fight fatigue and infections, improve your immune system, and ease depression. And if that is not enough, hugs have a positive effect on child development and IQ, and actually boost their self-esteem as well as their ability to project self-love as an adult. I like the sound of that!

The very thought of all of those great benefits makes me hope that we will say . . .

Hug O’War

I will not play at tug o’ war.

I’d rather play at hug o’ war,

Where everyone hugs

Instead of tugs,

Where everyone giggles

And rolls on the rug,

Where everyone kisses,

And everyone grins,

And everyone cuddles,

And everyone wins

–Shel Silverstein

Well, I like winning, don’t you? And I like having my children win. And if it means that I get to smother them with hugs and kisses, then so be it! In some wonderful way that we may not fully comprehend, hugs have the power to invisibly heal and lift. We might even call hugs our secret weapon to helping our children feel special and loved! With or without a word, a hug says, “You are so wonderful! I’m so glad you’re mine!” In times of stress, they communicate, “I’m here for you.” “Let’s work together.” When our children are sad, a hug reaches out and says, “I feel your pain,” or after a conflict, “Let’s start over.” And don’t forget the times of rejoicing, “I can’t believe this! You are SO amazing!”

We probably don’t have to worry too much about getting in our quota of hugs for the day. I believe that most of these will come naturally. We’ll greet our children in the morning with an “I’m so glad to see you” hug and enfold them in love with a “you’re the best” hug before they go to sleep. We’ll give them a quick “wishing you a happy day” hug on their way out the door and an “I’m SO glad you’re home” hug when they return. We’ll remember a “Hope you feel better soon” hug to sooth the sickies and an “I’m sorry” hug to help mend a quarrel. And at any moment throughout the day, we’ll slip in a “how are you doing?” hug and or an impromptu heart to heart “You are a joy in my life!” hug.

One way or another, we’ll wrap our arms and our hearts around our families, we’ll let our words match our actions, and we’ll let them know that rain or shine, they are the best thing that ever happened to us – a true win-win, and all thanks to our secret weapon.

Photo by Jonathan on Unsplash

Cherish the Doing

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Check out this quote by Anna Quindlen, Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalist and mother:

Cherish the doing a little more,
and the getting it done a little less!

I love this quote.

Too often, I’m trying so hard to get a bunch of stuff crossed off the to-do list, thinking that once those check-marks are there, I’ll be able to do the fun stuff.

Really, though, as a mom, the list just keeps growing… and that can be a suffocating feeling.

I joke about that with my kiddos, because the laundry is never really done — unless we take a day to run around naked!

Okay, so nudity might be slightly inappropriate — but ya gotta admit, there’s nothin’ like a dancin’ two-year-old’s flubby blubber!

That might be a more appropriate way to cherish the doing a little more — make the doing a little more fun. Turn up the music! Let’s Dance!

I’ll let myself eat a little chocolate during the doing, not just as a reward afterwards!

Take time to teach the little ones how to do the doing… they want to know, really they do! And that counts as quality time, during the doing!

What ideas do you have to help us all as fellow moms cherish the doing a little more? Motherhood is full of doing so let’s help each other enjoy the journey by deliberately cherishing the doing… then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Svitlana on Unsplash