SPICES - Momivate

Staying Motivated through the Mundane

By Stephanie Simmons

Taking care of the home can be pretty mundane. I really do like a clean home. I also go in a continuous cycle of being on top of my game to ignoring the mess and hoping everyone else does too. There are many valid reasons and excuses to not keep our houses clean. And there are definitely different seasons in life that might affect the attention our home gets(some examples: rough pregnancy, emotional state not being taken care of, illness, etc).

For those seasons that are not the exception, how do we stay motivated through the mundane? I think firstly, we need to recognize that we are doing better than we think! Give yourself credit for the things you are doing! We are often too hard on ourselves.

Secondly, your home is not a museum, it is a home. This was told to me by my husband many years ago when my 3rd child was starting to get around. It seemed that as I was cleaning, she would go around and undo the work I was doing, and I seemed to care more about a clean house than spending time with my kids. I was getting frustrated and perhaps a little overwhelmed. Probably after a rant of frustration or something, he told me, “It’s ok to have some mess in the house. We don’t live in a museum; this is a home.” That has really stuck with me and helped me many times as I lose focus and start caring more about a clean home than the people in the home.

I can remember a time when I was reflecting on how annoying and mundane it was to have to keep doing the same housework day after day, and week after week. It was hard to find the motivation to want to do my chores. At some point in my ruminations, I thought, maybe if I change the way I view what I am doing, it won’t be so bad. I thought to view the housework as service to my family. I like to serve others. In fact, cleaning another’s home was always more enjoyable than cleaning my own. I also like to remind myself that I love how the end results make me feel when I have a clean home. And one last thing I try to focus on is that it is actually a little therapeutic getting lost in my thoughts, or listening to an audio book or talk, while I clean. Even talking on the phone to a family member or friend really helps the mundane chore get done in an enjoyable way.

As my kids have gotten older and have been able to contribute more, and I have had to train them and motivate them, they get a little lecture about “family contributions.” This wording comes from a parenting book I read by the Eyre family. It helped us see that everyone in the family contributes. We have our dad who contributes by going into work and brings in money for our home. We take care of the home to earn our part and our income, or payment, is in the form of clothes, food, home, etc. My lecture would include pointing out the things they do and need that require work to make happen(you eat, so you need clean dishes and food, and there is a mess from using them, cost to buying the food, etc).

When it comes to caring for our homes(formerly called doing chores;) ), remember, you are doing a great job! Your home is for living in, focus on the positive, and enlist your children in the family contributions. Our homes can be a clean home to help us live happily in!

Tips for helping kick-start your cleaning:

Just tell yourself, I will just fold 5 pieces of laundry, or I will wash/load just 5 dishes. It’s a small start that isn’t as intimidating as all the piles, and once you start, you usually will keep going. If you don’t keep going, just tell yourself the same thing again 🙂
Create a weekly schedule for your housework. Some people want to do it all in one day, but I prefer to break it out into days. If I happen to miss a day, it is ok if that bathroom is skipped one week; it will be cleaned the next week, just stick with the next day’s work(except laundry, see next tip)
Scheduling laundry: I have a set day for each person’s laundry and other types of laundry(towels, sheets, rags, etc). I try to keep my kids’ wardrobes on the small side, about 8-10 outfits per kid. Their laundry is done separately from everyone else, so there is no need for sorting. The set day also helps so that there are not mountains of laundry to face in one day, but smaller “bite-sized” loads to do each day.
Train your children well to do age-appropriate household chores. It is hard work up front, but worth it!

(I could go on and on about my house schedule for chores, but that is for another time. And there are so many different ways to make this all happen. Find what works for you.)

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Want to Learn How to Love Learning?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I’m a little jealous of my children — the fact that they get to spend the majority of their time learning. I wish LEARNING was on my to-do list — I genuinely enjoy discovering facts and building skills.

Oddly, children seem to have a built-in aversion to didactic learning. Oh, they’ll learn all day long if you don’t TELL them that they’re learning. If they’re the ones asking the questions, their brainy appetite is insatiable. But once it’s an assignment, once someone else wants them to go learn such-and-so, for whatever reason, that makes it an oppressive chore.

The fact is, though, that learning is an element of childhood in the way oxygen is an element of water. I think their struggle comes from their innate desire to be in control of what they’re learning. The tricky part is that learning HOW to learn is a subject in and of itself — arguably far more valuable, than memorizing lists of facts.

Of course, our gray matter is programmed to learn from day one — no one has to teach a baby to learn how to walk. The baby is just wired to eventually get up off its knees, practice balancing, and one day, almost without thinking, those first steps are taken.

When you aren’t a baby any longer, though, that automated learning mode gets complicated with too many (or too few) options, countless distractions, and that awful human-nature state of laziness…

And so the motivational games begin… to encourage learning, embellish it, give incentives for it, exemplify it, all with the hope that they’ll embrace learning and love it for life!

Mom, in what ways can you give your children a love of learning? Do you verbalize how grateful you are for a good education? Do you take advantage of opportunities to learn even when you aren’t required to? Create a family culture that includes efforts to satiate curiosity! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

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Parenting With Illness

By Kandis Lake, RN, BSN

Parenting can be challenging for everyone, but parenting with a chronic or life altering illness brings a unique set of difficulties. It is important for you to accept outside support and take it easy on yourself. Realize there are many simple ways you can be an amazing parent, even if you’re not feeling up to doing many activities.

Use Outside Support

Don’t hesitate to seek and accept outside help. Get help with childcare, housework, meals, or whatever you feel in need of.

It has been found that new mothers with outside support are more optimistic about parenting. That finding could apply to any stage or situation in parenting, and it makes sense that if you’re more optimistic about something you will feel happier doing it. If you’re happier parenting, you will show up in more positive ways for your child. Because of this, accepting help will benefit not only you, but your child as well.

It could be beneficial to talk to a trusted person about your feelings surrounding your difficult circumstance. If you’re struggling to cope, you may benefit from seeing a counselor who can help you work through your emotions.

Take it Easy on Yourself

Taking care of a child is a lot of hard work. It is more consuming physically, emotionally, and mentally than any other job. Add illness on top of it, and there is no doubt a need for as much rest as possible. Let yourself rest whenever you can without feeling guilty about it.

Focus On The Ways You Can Parent Well

You may feel disappointed or feel a loss if you are unable to do active physical activities with your child. It’s okay to feel that way, but it is important to remember that your value as a parent isn’t dependent on how much or what things you do. You can love your kid and bond with them in many simple yet profound ways.

Find ways to make deep and meaningful connections with your child through spending time together. Some ways bonding can occur without expending a lot of physical energy can include snuggling on the couch, talking, reading, or drawing together.

You could take turns telling stories. Try pulling up a list of questions for your child to answer, and as a bonus, audio record them giving their answers on your phone as a form of journaling. Listen to audiobooks together (you can check them out online from the library) or a podcast with children’s stories. Color, draw, or watch movies together.

Having a secure relationship with your child will bring many benefits for both of you. Your child will have an increased feeling of stability and confidence, have resilience in difficult times, and a better ability to navigate difficult emotions. Connecting with your child will bring you joy and fulfillment amidst the difficulties of your illness.

Hugging and cuddling your child even has benefits for both of you. Hugging and cuddling causes the brain to release a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin contributes to bonding with others and has many other health benefits as well. Oxytocin has been known to decrease stress, bring blood pressure down, increase pain tolerance, and help with anxiety.

Conclusion

As a parent with a chronic or life altering illness, you deserve to go easy on yourself. Don’t hesitate to seek and accept the outside support you need, as this will benefit you and your child. Focus on all the ways you can parent well, and do those things to create meaningful connections with your child.

Sources

Crnic, K. A., Greenburg, M. T., Ragozin, A. S., Robinson, N. M., & Basham, R. B. (1983, Feb.). Effects of Stress and Social Support on Mothers and Premature and Full-Term Infants. Child Development, 54(1), 209-217. 10.2307/1129878

Uvnas-Moberg, K., & Petersson, M. (2005). Oxytocin, ein Vermittler von Antistress, Wohlbefinden, sozialer Interaktion, Wachstum und Heilung [Oxytocin, a mediator of anti-stress, well-being, social interaction, growth and healing]. Z Psychosom Med Psychother, 51(1), 57-80. 10.13109/zptm.2005.51.1.57

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The Song Scientifically Proven to Make Your Baby Happy

By Samantha Allred

Thanks to thousands of British families, two child psychologists, and a Grammy award-winning artist we now have a song that is scientifically proven to make your baby happy. Parents across the U.K. were asked to list which sounds make their babies laugh. Their responses included sneezing, animal sounds, and babies’ laughter, which are all included in “The Happy Song” by Imogen Heap.

Not only is this song scientifically proven to make babies happy, but it is approved by my one-year-old as well. Anytime she gets fussy in the car I put on this song and it immediately distracts her and makes her happy. Give it a try with your little one during playtime, mealtime, or when you are on a drive.

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Cherish the Doing

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Check out this quote by Anna Quindlen, Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalist and mother:

Cherish the doing a little more,
and the getting it done a little less!

I love this quote.

Too often, I’m trying so hard to get a bunch of stuff crossed off the to-do list, thinking that once those check-marks are there, I’ll be able to do the fun stuff.

Really, though, as a mom, the list just keeps growing… and that can be a suffocating feeling.

I joke about that with my kiddos, because the laundry is never really done — unless we take a day to run around naked!

Okay, so nudity might be slightly inappropriate — but ya gotta admit, there’s nothin’ like a dancin’ two-year-old’s flubby blubber!

That might be a more appropriate way to cherish the doing a little more — make the doing a little more fun. Turn up the music! Let’s Dance!

I’ll let myself eat a little chocolate during the doing, not just as a reward afterwards!

Take time to teach the little ones how to do the doing… they want to know, really they do! And that counts as quality time, during the doing!

What ideas do you have to help us all as fellow moms cherish the doing a little more? Motherhood is full of doing so let’s help each other enjoy the journey by deliberately cherishing the doing… then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

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5 Memes to Help You Cope with Mealtime Madness

By Samantha Allred

Getting your kids to eat a healthy meal is no easy task. You will only survive if you can learn to laugh about it. Check out these 5 relatable memes to help you cope with the mealtime madness.