Two Minute Mom Tips

Eye of the Mommy

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Remember that catchy tune “Eye of the Tiger” from the Rocky III movie?

I confess, I haven’t actually seen Rocky III… but I have been developing the Eye of the Mommy… let me explain!

For many years, I was unable to see messes. I was so absorbed in the present task (making more of a mess) that I didn’t pay much attention to existing messes. This kind of blindness is a blessing to some extent because the messy environments of mothering eight kids don’t phase me. But being comfortable in my own mess doesn’t make my family and friends feel comfortable, so in that sense it has been more of a curse… So I have been trying to improve my “mess-vision” and now I have “The Eye of the Mommy!”

Hoping to give my children a head-start in life and not have to be embarrassed into cleanliness, I have been figuring out how to instill in my offspring the desire –and ability– to be tidy.

I’ve taught my kids that after they’ve completed a job, they need to have it inspected. That’s the order it is supposed to go in: finish first, then get inspected. Sometimes, though, they ask for an inspection and when I go to do it, it’s clear the job has NOT been completed very thoroughly. So, now when they report that they’re ready for inspection, I respond:

“Did you use the Eye of the Mommy?”

They’ll often go back and work again for a few minutes… and that’s okay! They’re learning how to *see* messes on their own! I personally know that improving that eyesight is a gradual process…

Sometimes, it seems there’s an eyepatch on my own “Eye of the Mommy” and our home is not as tidy as it could be. And that’s okay. Really! An important purpose can be served in allowing the kids to suffer from the opposite of cleanliness! They’ll be more able to appreciate when our home is clean — and more interested in doing the cleaning!

Moms, try encouraging your children to use the Eye of the Mommy next time and see if they can upgrade their chore performance on their own! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Danielle Alvarado on Unsplash

Want to Learn How to Love Learning?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

I’m a little jealous of my children — the fact that they get to spend the majority of their time learning. I wish LEARNING was on my to-do list — I genuinely enjoy discovering facts and building skills.

Oddly, children seem to have a built-in aversion to didactic learning. Oh, they’ll learn all day long if you don’t TELL them that they’re learning. If they’re the ones asking the questions, their brainy appetite is insatiable. But once it’s an assignment, once someone else wants them to go learn such-and-so, for whatever reason, that makes it an oppressive chore.

The fact is, though, that learning is an element of childhood in the way oxygen is an element of water. I think their struggle comes from their innate desire to be in control of what they’re learning. The tricky part is that learning HOW to learn is a subject in and of itself — arguably far more valuable, than memorizing lists of facts.

Of course, our gray matter is programmed to learn from day one — no one has to teach a baby to learn how to walk. The baby is just wired to eventually get up off its knees, practice balancing, and one day, almost without thinking, those first steps are taken.

When you aren’t a baby any longer, though, that automated learning mode gets complicated with too many (or too few) options, countless distractions, and that awful human-nature state of laziness…

And so the motivational games begin… to encourage learning, embellish it, give incentives for it, exemplify it, all with the hope that they’ll embrace learning and love it for life!

Mom, in what ways can you give your children a love of learning? Do you verbalize how grateful you are for a good education? Do you take advantage of opportunities to learn even when you aren’t required to? Create a family culture that includes efforts to satiate curiosity! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Waking Up To A Full Slate?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Whew! What a day! Busy, busy, busy. You know what it feels like: the gear shift feels stuck in “drive” all day long, full-speed ahead, downhill with the force of gravity having full sway… sometimes it’s terrifying!

Maybe I’m an adrenaline junkie or have a little ADHD, but I have to admit that I kinda like days like this. I like knowing what’s the next thing to get done — or seventy-two specific things. I love To-Do Lists — attacking them like my pen is a sword, scratching off items viciously in victory!

Sometimes I work retroactively, writing down whatever-it-is that’s been using up my time just so I can cross it off and give myself credit! Things like changing diapers, snuggling a kiddo during a rough time, cleaning up an unanticipated mess… the “mental load” of problem-solving and scheduling and decision-making.

I’ve noticed two factors that can make the day feel like a whirlwind:

The first is duties and events put on my calendar by various responsibilities. The second is due to my conscious effort to make the most of each minute on my own, not based on outside obligations, but because I love life and don’t want to waste a minute of it. This can be both exhilarating and exhausting. And it makes built-in downtime more valuable and more necessary.

The idea that I always wake up to a full slate was taught to me in a housecleaning class! There is always something to clean or de-clutter. In the life of a mother, there is always a child to hug, to read to, to convince to eat nutritious food, to encourage in their chores & homework… life offers full and rich experiences in every moment if we’ll accept what each moment offers — including the slow-down times when just sitting and breathing mindfully is enough.

The “Full Slate” concept is sometimes discouraging to me since the day-in/day-out, repetitive things that tend to fill up the slate aren’t the “fun” things I want to fill up my to-do list with.

However, as I’ve embraced the truth of it, I find it liberating! Even meager efforts towards consistency keep things cleaner, more organized, and less overwhelming — and therefore simpler and faster — so the reward is that I can spend time doing tasks that I deem a little more fun than housecleaning.

Mom, consider your “Full Slate” and see how consistency can open up more fun time and more down time, and use that time to count your blessings, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Matt Bowden on Unsplash

Do You Have A Family Bank

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Today’s topic is your FAMILY BANK! What’s that? You don’t have one? Sure you do! Just grab a notebook and separate a few pages for an account for each child who’s over the age of 4 or 5. Draw lines to make a column for the date, a wider column for the transaction, a column for the specific amount, and then a column with the running total.

Next, create a system where each child *earns* deposits into their account…

Our family has four ways the children can earn money, an acronym called CLAP because we applaud their efforts! Monday through Friday, they can earn a point in each of these four areas:

C for Chores,

L for Learning,

A for Attitude,

and P for Preparation.

So that’s up to 20 points by the end of the week. We pay a penny per year of age per point, so if the ten year old gets fifteen points, that’s 1.50 that week. As an added incentive, we are willing to double their money if they get within two points of a perfect score.

The child is encouraged to give part of their deposit to a charity, another portion to their older selves (aka savings). The remainder they are allowed to spend — or save — as they see fit.

When the child wants to buy something, they can decide based on their Family Bank account balance. If they have enough money, *they* decide to buy or not. If they don’t have enough money, then that lack of money is the deciding factor. THIS IS SO NICE for me as the Mom… I am no longer the bad guy who says no! In fact, I can show love and sympathy when they don’t have enough money! Heck, I’ve been there before myself. Plus, I can use it as motivation to get their CLAP done in the future. Older kids can even be in charge of paying for their own clothes and entertainment. Richard & Linda Eyre’s book The Entitlement Trap has several great ideas for this Family Economy.

So grab a notebook, Mama, and get your Family Bank going today! Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Diane Helentjaris on Unsplash

Family Team Discussion

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

We usually END our tip with a challenge, but I’m going to START that way today: Gather your family and have a discussion about how your family is a TEAM…

Have everyone close their eyes and visualize whatever comes to their mind when they hear the word TEAM. Then have everyone share! Maybe your discussion will go a little like our family’s did…

My oldest child pictured his favorite football team, the Broncos. Specifically, the logo since he was wearing Peyton Manning’s jersey. This taught us that there are individual team members and that teams are identified by certain artwork. I wondered if our family team has a logo of sorts?

Next, my husband brought up the Red Sox and how they finally won the World Series after decades of not… Talk about team solidarity, and keeping on attempting to win no matter how many losses precede the final victory!

My twins had the same thing in mind — they are, after all, identical — they had our favorite university playing against its rival. Upon further questioning, though, it turns out one of them was picturing a basketball game while the other had football in mind. That brought up the fact that there are different sports, and that there are competitions and rivalries… My brain kept trying to figure out how this applies to our family team.

My four year old’s one-word contribution was, “Winning!” He also noted that winning is followed up with partying!

My second oldest, Truman, pictured a team of people playing Dungeons and Dragons. This brought up the fact that not all teams are sports teams — a perfect way for me to introduce the idea that our FAMILY is a TEAM, and that we want to WIN!

Moms, try having this discussion about viewing your family as a TEAM — then share with us on Facebook if practicing this new family vision elevates your mothering!

Photo by Mike Scheid on Unsplash

What’s with the ‘Tude, Dude?

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Have you ever been in a situation where complaining or whining might be justified, but for some reason you chose to take a deep breath and stay calm. It’s not easy, but it’s rewards are immediate! The challenge to accept responsibility for one’s own reaction is one of those self-discipline muscles that we need to build — and life gives us plenty of opportunities.

When we can’t control anything else about our circumstances, we can at least keep control of ourselves, our emotions, our attitude.

Charles Swindoll, founder of the radio program Insights for Living, got it right when he said:

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important … than education, than money, … than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.

It will make or break a company, a church, a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. …

We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.

We cannot change the inevitable.

The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you.

We are in charge of our attitudes.”

I want to empower my children by teaching them this concept, and I work (it is definitely WORK) to set an example of it, and together we’re discovering all the ways we can improve our personal reality simply by smiling, or letting things go, or looking for solutions, what we CAN do, rather than dwelling on the CAN’Ts. We aren’t perfect, — and yet we try to maintain a good attitude about our imperfections!

Mama, examine your attitude and how you might upgrade it in just one way today, and see what a difference it makes. Then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Ahmed Zayan on Unsplash