By  Diana Duke

What is Koah?  

It wasn’t until recently that I stumbled upon Camp Koah, a camp for children who have lost a direct family member. The word Koah is derived from a Hebrew word that means “strength.” This is fitting since their mission is to help kids find strength together as they navigate the devastating loss of a loved one. They focus on educating campers on how to move through the stages of grief as they create memories and friendships that will last a lifetime.

I feel so fortunate to have found this camp to help my children understand their grief as they learn to live without their daddy. I love that it is a safe place where they can gather together and share with others something so terribly heartbreakingly personal, and be able to find “Koah.” 

I have pondered what having strength means to me. On numerous occasions, I have shared with others an important phrase that my late husband used to always say:  “Kia ka ha,”  which, in Maori, means, “Be strong.” This is even engraved in his grave marker. I found it so fitting that the name of this camp coincides with something so personal to our family, something that we share with my husband. It was definitely a tender mercy to me. 

My children are ages seven, nine, nine, and eleven. My eleven-year-old was not sure about going, so I did not press him any further as everyone grieves differently. However, my two nine-year-olds wanted very badly to go. 

Grief is something that I, as a new widow, have struggled with. Just when I think I have a hold on my feelings of grief, somehow they find a way of resurfacing. If I experience this as an adult, it must be exponentially harder to deal with in their childlike minds. So, of course, I jumped at the chance to send my children to Camp Koah. 

I eagerly applied, and was sad to find out that all of the slots had been filled. I saw that there was a place I could submit their names for the waiting list. A few months went by and I figured I would just be sure to apply earlier for next year. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I received a message asking if we were still interested. I quickly responded that we definitely were. They let me know that one slot had opened up, but they felt that they could make room for one more since they were sisters. I was thrilled to let the girls know.  

The day came that they were finally able to go. They were so excited. They had never been away from family like this before and for this long. But, I knew that they would be in good hands. Normally it is a requirement to have lost a direct family member in order to be a counselor. My girls had two young women as their counselors, who were also sisters and had lost their dad just a year prior, which made relating to them even easier. 

While attending camp they were able to listen to firesides, and participate in art projects, and service projects. They talked about their loved ones, did meditation, sang, danced, braided each other’s hair, played pranks on each other, and played in the water with a giant Slip ‘n Slide. They learned that it’s okay to laugh and enjoy life, even when you’re hurting. They were surrounded by all these kids who had gone through tragedies, and they were able to find this “Koah” together. 

Just in the few hours that they’ve been back, they seem so much older, perhaps because they’ve been surrounded by older kids. Or, perhaps parts of their little breaking hearts were able to be healed a little bit more. They can not wait to go next year and are already making plans with their older brother who wishes that he had gone after hearing the excitement of their week at camp. The girls got the phone numbers of their counselors and (parent-permitting) they can keep in touch and text with them. There will even be follow-up events throughout the year and a larger gathering at Christmas.

What a wonderful experience for my children. Thank you, Camp Koah. You have brought so much joy into our lives. I, as their mother, am able to find strength in knowing that my family is okay as we are able to find balance and continue on putting one foot in front of the other as we move about our journey in life.

If you would like more information on attending or donating to Camp Koah, please visit their website at https://www.campkoah.com.

By Annette T. Durfee

All is well!  All is well!  Or so we thought!  Our oldest son had a GREAT idea!  Why not test our family’s preparedness level by holding an evacuation from our home?  So, without telling anyone about it (except for me), we gathered for our weekly Family Night to hear the plan:  We had 5 minutes to get whatever we needed and off we would go in the Durfeemobile to our designated meeting spot for further evaluation.  No problem, I thought.  Surely we know what to do.  Easy peasy!  Except that the kids had other ideas on what was important . . .

While I was finding my phone and purse, my four-year-old son, went directly to the pantry to get a large can of “fruit cottontail” as he called it, except that he dropped it on his toe sending him squealing in pain.  Instead of spearheading our evacuation process, I ran to give comfort and administer first aid to his bleeding wound.  Four minutes later, I rounded the corner to find that our two-year-old had dumped his Halloween candy helter-skelter onto the front room floor in order to find the best pieces to take.  You’re kidding me!

I hurriedly shoved some shoes onto his feet and grabbed our coats as the girls came barreling down the stairs with a laundry basket full of their stuffed animals.  Really?  I just about lost it, but the time was up, so we all piled in the car.  Once we arrived at the church, we laughed hysterically as we surveyed the load in our car.  Thankfully, my husband and oldest son had managed to heave our 72-hour kits and a few jugs of water into the car, so we weren’t that bad off.  I mean, we could survive, but we knew that there were some things lacking in our emergency preparedness that we wanted to remedy.

If you’re like our family, you try to surge through life hoping for the best, but often find that accidents are, well, so accidental!  Life as we know is full of bumps along the path and without even trying, flat tires, injury, unexpected job loss, sickness, death in the family, and yes, even natural disasters can sneak up on us without a moment’s notice.  Well, I want to be ready, how about you?

When the time for an emergency arrives, the time for preparation is past. So why not head off the stress and panic that can come at the moment of an emergency?  Why not make the decision to be prepared?  With a few guiding principles and a little time educating ourselves and planning well, we can create safe places for our families.  So buckle your seat belt folks, ‘cuz ready or not, here we come! 

1. Start small.  Start today.  There are about a billion ways we could begin, and endless resources, but don’t let that stop you!  Don’t wait until you have a lot of $ saved up.  Don’t wait for a better time!  This is no time to be a victim of all or nothing thinking.  Keep it small.  Keep it simple.  Your ideas are the right ones for your family.  Gather a few items together that you already have and build from there.

2. Anticipate needs and make a plan with your family. Mr. Fred Rogers said, “Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”

Likewise, as we talk about and plan for emergencies, they become less scary and we can help our families become emotionally resilient.

Brainstorm together: 

• What disasters are prevalent in our area? 
• What might happen? 
• What do we do if . . .?
• What needs could arise in each instance? 
• What would be helpful then?
• What insurance do we need? 
• How will we communicate during an emergency? 
• Do the children know their phone number?  
• Who could be our out-of-town emergency contact?
• What needs would our baby have?
• An elderly friend or parent? Pets? 
• When will we practice our plan?

By anticipating our families’ needs, we create more options and access to lifesaving supplies that would otherwise be in short supply at the time of a crisis. 

(See also, “Helping Children Cope With Disaster,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/children.pdf)

“Family Emergency Planning,” https://www.ready.gov/kids/family-emergency-planning

3. Have the good sense to save some cents!  I like Benjamin Franklin’s adage, “Watch the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.”  Since we never know when an emergency will pop up, it makes sense to have a little extra money in our savings.  My husband and I were students for the first ten years of our marriage, so we learned early on the value of buying what we really needed and saving up for a rainy day.  I’ll admit that sometimes I felt sorry for myself for not being able to buy some of the things on our want list, but as we continued to set aside a small (and I mean small) amount each month, it eventually added up.  During those months when he didn’t get paid, we could pay ourselves – a true investment! 

(See also, “One for the Money,” Elder Marvin J. Ashton,https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/09/one-for-the-money?lang=eng  

 4. Home Safe Home:  Because many accidents can begin in the home, it is important to make our homes a place of safety.  Again, good ole Benjamin Franklin provides the answer:  “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”  So the first step in having a home that is secure is to prevent a problem in the first place.   Let’s start increasing our awareness of our home environment by taking a quick survey of our homes:

• What possible hazards do you identify?   
• What can we do to prevent slips and falls?
• Drowning, suffocation, and strangulation?
• Fires and burns? Medications and poisons locked away?  Check!
• Batteries for smoke alarm tested? Check!
• Fire extinguisher within reach?  Check! 

What other preventative measures can you think of to reduce the risks and avert the booby traps in your home?

(See also, “Safe Kids Worldwide,” https://www.safekids.org/

“A Guide to Home Safety:  Identifying and Preventing Hazards,” https://www.safehome.org/resources/home-hazards/

5. Having supplies, water, and food puts you in a good mood!  With a little planning and occasional rotation, you can have lifesaving items ready for use right in the safety of your own home. And when hungry tummies come calling, you’ll be so glad that you’re ready!  I found that by stocking up on basic items when they were on sale, we were able to build up our supply to a reasonable amount over time.

An easy place to start is to ask questions like these: 

• If there were a crisis right now and we had to rely on what we have on hand today, what would we wish that we had? 
• What foods does my family enjoy? 
• Would a garden provide some options? 
• In a time of emergency, with what fuel will we cook it?  

Water, as you know, is also important, not only when we’re thirsty, but to aid in food preparation, hygiene, and sanitation.  And so, my friends, we ask the hard question, “what will we do if we can’t get clean water out of our faucet?”  When the apartment of one of my daughters had to turn off the water for three days, she and her husband were well taken care of, having stored water ahead of time in juice and soda bottles that they had rinsed out and refilled.  What could you do to prepare for such a time? 

And if we are truly going to be prepared at home, let’s not forget other necessities:  Is our first aid kit updated?  Do we all know where the flashlight is and do we have extra batteries?  Do I have a secret stash of cash on hand (in small bills)?  And do we have blankets and warm clothing in case the power is out and we have to dress more warmly?  Now there are a few sanity savers right there! And last but not least, may I mention that having some extra supplies in the cupboard such as deodorant, hand soap, toothpaste, dish soap, laundry detergent, feminine products and of course toilet paper (boy do we all know this!!) will go a long way in keeping this mama happy! 

(See also, “Food and Water in an Emergency,” https://www.fema.gov/pdf/library/f&web.pdf)

“What’s That Smell:  Sanitation When Systems Fail.” https://drive.google.com/file/d/1f_ZSwBzWF9OMfg_t18UNI23rqrwQ0OOo/view

6. On the Road Again:  Because we are in our cars so much of the time, we would be wise to doublecheck that we are taking precautions to ensure that our family is safe there as well: 

• Is the car seat for my child the correct size? 
• Have I taken my child’s car seat for a certified safety check and made sure that it is installed properly? 
• Do I make sure that my children are only sitting in the front seat if they are older than 12? 
• Do I remember to never leave a child in a hot car? 
• Do I exercise tough love by insisting that my children wear a seat belt, even when they throw a fit? (That never happens, right?)
• As the driver, am I doing everything I can to keep them safe by exercising self-restraint? 
• Do they see me wearing my seat belt?
• Do I drive when I am well rested?
• Do I refrain from drinking alcohol? 
• Do I drive the speed limit consistently? 
• Do I remove distractions such as cell phones while I drive? 
• Have I packed a car kit in the trunk with things like a first aid kit, gloves, flashlight, gas can, jumper cables, a blanket, extra water, graham crackers, and as ALWAYS – extra diapers and wipes! 

As part of our preparation, we might even include a little refresher course on a few things like how to change a flat or how to USE those jumper cables. I’m sure you can think of other things.  Most of these safety measures only take a few seconds, but in the long run, you’ll thank yourself and your family will too. 

(See also National Safety Council – https://www.nsc.org/road/safety-topics/child-passenger-safety/child-passenger-safety-home

7. Emergency Evacuation:  In the event that you need to leave your home, what would be a good gathering spot for your family?  Where will you meet if all of you are not home when the need to leave arises?  As our family found out, in a moment of panic, it is easy for our minds to forget what things we need to have.  To remedy this, we wrote up a list of our Top 10 items that we should grab in case of an evacuation and posted them on a paper by the garage door: 

1.  72 Hour Kits
2. Water
3.  Important Papers binder
4. Cell phone/charger
5. Wallet/keys
6. Shoes and coat
7. Tent/Hammer
8. Family Photos
9. Instruments
10. Laptop Computer

My daughter, now a grown mother, has created a very nice detailed list prioritizing their list of items as determined by whether they have 5, 10, or 15 minutes to leave and stating where in the house the items are located.  What would be some things that are important to you in case your family had to leave your home?

Will planning and preparing make a difference?  Well . . .When our family lived in Illinois, we often had tornados raging through our area.  To help us to be ready for a possible disaster, we assembled 72-hour kits that we safely stored in the closet underneath the staircase with simple items such as a change of clothes, snacks, water, a battery powered radio, a flashlight, and books and small toys for the children.  When the tornado sirens would go off, we knew the drill:  we would gather the kiddos and go into the closet until the storm had passed. 

Imagine our surprise when one day our son prayed that we could have another tornado!  GASP! That’s going a bit far, wouldn’t you say?  When we asked him why on earth he had said that, he replied that he wanted to play in the closet.  It was fun!  Well, at least he felt safe and we as his parents had greater peace of mind, knowing we had done what we could.  We were ready!  

By Samantha Allred

Self-affirmations are positive statements that can be used to encourage and motivate yourself. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can start to make positive changes. Here are 5 affirmations that you can use to transform your thoughts about motherhood and inspire you to be a better mom. 

1. I find joy in the everyday moments of my life. 
2. I am grateful for the time I get to spend with my children. 
3. I am an amazing mom, even as I work hard to make improvements. 
4. I will be present and in the moment when talking to my children. 
5. Motherhood is the most important job in the world. 

If you feel like you need a mindset change, give affirmations a try. The key to affirmations is to use them frequently. Work them into a part of your morning routine, such as brushing your teeth or getting dressed. Write them down and post them on your mirror. Upload them to your phone wallpaper so you see them every time you open your phone. Some say them out loud, some repeat them in their mind during meditation, and others write them in a journal. Do whatever works for you. Your thoughts and words have the power to change your mindset and help you achieve your goals. 

Photo by Paige Cody on Unsplash

By Esperanza DeLaLuz

“I am just a mom.” 

When I hear someone say that, I want to proclaim: You’re doing the most important job on earth!! Raising healthy, happy, productive children deserves more than the lowly phrase, “I am just a mom.” 

Abraham Lincoln, our great president, said, “All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.”

Not everyone knows that the angel mother to whom he refers is actually his stepmother. His birth mother died when he was nine and, the following year, his father remarried. Sarah had children of her own, yet she was a loving and devoted mother to all of the children, and she especially nurtured Abraham in his desire to learn and read. 

This is a comforting thought to those of us who are stepmothers, aunts, foster moms, and grandmothers, or who are in other positions of nurturing. The task of mothering is not only the province of those who give birth. To “mother”—which is defined as “to look after kindly and protectively”—is incredibly demanding, and just as incredibly—and critically—important. To mother is a noble task and those who participate in it, to any extent, are doing a great and valuable work.

However, in the midst of diapers, tantrums, mischief, and defiance, it may be a challenge to feel that one is engaged in a noble task. Often it feels like we are in “survival mode.” Roseann Barr once joked that if her children were alive at the end of the day, she had done her job as a mother. 

I know for every mother there are days which feel like that. On those days, it can help to remember Abraham Lincoln’s feelings about his “angel mother,” and recognize that someday it may be your influence that sways the world. 

The next time you are deciding whether to scrub the crayon mural off the wall or frame it, remember Sarah Bush Johnston Lincoln, keep calm and mother on!