Energy - Momivate

Mental Illness in Motherhood

Picture this: you’ve just gotten home from a two day hospital stay. You’re sore, exhausted, and anxious. You’ve just gotten your older kids to bed but you don’t feel any relief. You’re terrified to go to sleep because you know that means you’ll have to wake up the next day and take care of the kids. You just want to curl up in your husband’s arms and sob. You peek over at him and are filled with anger. Not at him–but at who he is holding. Your brand new baby. You need your husband right now but this baby is taking all of his attention. This baby who is going to keep you up night after night and suck up all of your time. And dang it, you feel angry. That’s when the shame hits too.

This was me the day I got home from the hospital with my third son. I had cried more times than I could count, had at least five different panic attacks, and was angry at my innocent little newborn for stealing my husband. Not to mention–I felt like a failure for not being able to breastfeed AGAIN. Of course, bottle feeding doesn’t mean you’re a failure by any means, but 48 hour postpartum Alisha was certainly not thinking very logically and I was most definitely the worst of the worst. I mean, I was so sure I’d be able to do it this time and I really wanted to!

So here I was–the worst mom with nipples as useless as her husband’s all alone with no love because it was all very obviously being sucked up by an evil (albeit super adorable) 2-day-old. Pretty sad, right? This is the part people don’t talk about. The shame. The anger. The anxiety. Of course, postpartum isn’t the same for everyone.
Now; before we dive deeper, you need to know that I–Alisha– am not a medical professional. If you have serious concerns, please consult a professional. This blog post was just written to provide awareness to certain postpartum mental illnesses and to share my experiences. Understand? Good. Let’s get to it!

March of Dimes reported in 2025 that up to 80% of women experience the “baby blues”. According to them, the baby blues start shortly after birth and typically lasts 2-3 weeks. It consists of feeling sad and can be caused by things such as hormone changes and lack of sleep (lack of sleep ALONE turns me into a monster). March of Dimes warn of signs that point to Postpartum Depression (PPD) including “feeling overpowering guilt, sadness, or panic […] scary thoughts about yourself or your baby […] [and] [doesn’t] get better after 2 weeks”.

The CDC did a study of Postpartum Depressive Symptoms (PDS) in 31 different locations and found that its prevalence was 13.2%. These are not the only mental struggles that can affect women after giving birth. There are also Postpartum Anxiety and Panic Disorders, Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Postpartum Psychosis.
Please do not hesitate to reach out to a medical professional if you or a loved one is experiencing symptoms of any of these illnesses. Immediate action can help save lives. You are not alone in this. You are not bad. You just need support. Please accept it.

Resources:
https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/postpartum/baby-blues-after-pregnancy

http://dx.doi.org/10.15585/mmwr.mm6919a2

Is it perimenopause?

Spring is here! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the bees are humming—and you’re feeling and moving like Suzy the sloth. You ask yourself, Where is my energy? There are a lot of reasons for feeling tired—anything from wacky sleep schedules to lack of motivation. Let me suggest another possibility for your decreased energy. Could it be perimenopause? Wait, what is that?

What is Perimenopause? Menopause?

Perimenopause is the transitional period before menopause. It can last from four to ten years. Some women begin noticing symptoms in their thirties but most women will start the process in their forties. Menopause occurs when a woman does not have a menstrual cycle for twelve consecutive months. Average age for menopause is fifty-one but can occur anytime between ages forty to fifty-eight. Due to medical procedures, some women may undergo menopause early; this is called induced menopause.

Symptoms
During perimenopause, ovaries are beginning to slow down, and less estrogen is produced. Eventually, the ovaries will no longer release eggs, so pregnancy will not be able to occur. This transition causes hormone fluctuations resulting in some of the following common symptoms: hot flashes, night sweats, breast tenderness, migraine headaches, difficulty concentrating, sleep challenges, mood swings, anxiety, menstrual cycle changes, weight gain, loss of libido, etc. Some uncommon symptoms include increased body odor, hair loss, vision changes, cold flashes, increased allergies, increased facial hair. Symptoms may continue until the menopause stage for some women. Due to low estrogen levels during breastfeeding, mothers may feel symptoms that are menopausal-like. Yet, it is possible for a breastfeeding mother to experience perimenopause.

What can you do?
Educate yourself prior to seeking assistance from a medical professional. It is important to be an active participant in your healthcare, and not a spectator. Create a partnership with your chosen medical professional to explore possible treatment plans to address your symptoms.

Prioritize sleep. Create a healthy sleep environment by minimizing or stopping the use of electronics two hours before bedtime.

Know common and not so common symptoms of perimenopause. Not all women experience the same symptoms.

Know your family reproductive history. When did your mother and grandmother experience perimenopause or menopause? You may or may not follow the same pattern.
Improve your nutrition and increase physical activity. It is important to provide your body with essential nutrients during this time of change to reduce chronic disease risk. Moving a little bit everyday helps with potential weight gain and improves your mood.

Seek support from loved ones, a support group or even professional counseling if necessary. You are not alone and it is definitely okay to create the space to process your feelings.

Perimenopause and menopause are natural processes that occur for women and should not be feared. Empower yourselves with information and support so you can become a positive example to other women.

Resources:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/perimenopause/symptoms-causes/syc-20354666

https://www.womenshealth.gov/menopause

Meditation

By Alana Hutchins

A familiar word with an unfamiliar feeling. Over 14% of the U.S. population, and over 5% of children, have tried meditating at one point or another, but not everyone keeps up the practice. There are many different types of meditation, but let’s assume that as a busy mother you don’t feel like you have time for any of them. In a stress- and anxiety-saturated world, it is no wonder people are looking for ways to detox their brains and regain their mental health. Meditation is not new; it is an ancient practice making a modern come back. Meditation can increase relaxation, develop mindfulness, and enhance overall well-being.

Meditation involves the practice of calming the mind and enhancing your senses for improved awareness of an object of focus, usually one’s breathing process. By implementing a series of breathing exercises, the mind and body experience relief from stress and anxiety.

Here are the Facts:

Meditation can reduce insomnia by 50% if you are struggling to get a good night’s rest.
Practicing meditation for only four days can increase your attention span.
Meditation for 6-9 months can reduce anxiety levels.
People who meditate are less likely to suffer from heart disease
Mindfulness meditation relieves back pain by 30%
It lowers blood pressure for 80% of people who practice,
60% of people who practice meditation find that it improves their energy
50% of meditators say it aids in their memory and focus.
Meditation reduces depression relapses by 12%
Mindfulness improves focus and productivity (by up to 120%!), as well as critical thinking and creativity.

If you are just starting out, I recommend you meditate for anywhere from 5-10 minutes a day. You can start with even less. Maybe try it for 1 minute in the morning when you can sit still and relax for that long, then move it to two minutes. This practice should be pleasant and enjoyable, not uncomfortable. Frequency is more important than duration. Maybe 30 minutes total could be an end goal—broken up into two or three sessions during the day. This will take time to develop for most because of our busy lives.

Be clear about the time you will carve out and where you will sit, relatively undisturbed, because it will take discipline and perseverance to make a habit stick. Honor the routine of “same time, same place” to help build your meditation practice. Sit anyway you like, but sitting forward towards the front of your chair will help with the correct posture; back straight, neck relaxed, chin slightly tucked in with your hands loosely on your lap or knees. Be clear about why you want to start meditation and it will help you stick with it. Do you want to feel happier, calmer, more focused, less stressed etc.? There are many online helps for people just starting out with meditation so take a deep breath, get out there—or rather in there—and give it a try! What do you have to lose?

Photo by Sumit Bisht on Unsplash

There are Beans in my Fudge

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Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

There are beans in my fudge.

Black beans.

In my fudge.

Ya can’t taste ’em. The fudge is still quite fudge-y — *plenty* of sugar… The kids love it. I was even honest with them about the beans, and they didn’t seem worried at all.

I’ve been eating plenty of bean-y fudge, and I can report that there are no gaseous side effects so far!

I’d also like to report an analogy that Beanie Fudge has brought to my mind.

21st century life is sweet!! Sometimes sickeningly sweet (like fudge). We have so many modern conveniences, time-saving devices, luxuries that are so commonplace we don’t even realize they’re luxuries anymore… and entertainment options out the wazoo.

When we hear about life even just one century ago, we moan and groan just thinking about all the work those poor people had to do. Work, after all, is a four-letter word!

Work is like the beans in my fudge… Hey, bean is a four-letter word, too!

The fiber, vitamins, minerals, and protein of beans offer life-sustaining substances amidst the sweetness that corrodes our teeth and disables our immune systems.

Admittedly, there is still approximately four times as much sugar as there are beans in this recipe. Maybe that mirrors our modern-day ratio of play-to-work? Back in our grandparents’ day, it was mostly beans and maybe a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down…

Sometimes, I worry about our current culture of work avoidance, and feel that my duty as a mom is to introduce some beans in friendly ways, maybe disguised a bit in cocoa…

I don’t feel a need to eliminate the “sugar” altogether, but I conscientiously include *some* beans amidst the fudge so that if circumstances change and a reverse ratio of beans to sugar were required, it wouldn’t be a total shock to our systems!

I want to raise my children with both beans and sweetness. Hopefully, just like we’ve happily discovered about Beanie Fudge, this metaphorical equivalent will also be flatulence-free!

Moms, try making Beanie Fudge both in real life and metaphorically, then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

BEANIE FUDGE RECIPE

1 Can of Black Beans — about 1 and 1/4 cups — drained and rinsed
3/4 Cup cocoa — rounded
3/4 Cup butter and/or coconut oil, warm enough to be mostly liquid
4 Cups powdered sugar — scant

NOW CHOOSE A FLAVOR:

2 Tbsps Vanilla
OR 6-8 drops peppermint essential oil
OR 3 Tbsp. peanut butter

PROCEDURE:

Blend in a food processor or blender until smooth & creamy!
Pour onto waxed paper and refrigerate at least 20 minutes before serving.
Keep leftovers in the fridge — if there are any! (Use at room temperature as frosting!)

Photo by Jewel Johnson on Unsplash

Magical Motivators for Mom

By Annette T. Durfee

UGH! The dishes are undone (again!), the laundry is ludicrous, and you sit defeated on the couch. You have a mile long list of things to do, but honestly, the motivation to do it just isn’t bubbling to the surface! Do you ever feel like that? I surely have. And perhaps it’s because I’ve felt like this SO often that I have developed a list of “go-tos,” or strategies to help me bite the bullet and turn miserable mayhem into a magical motivation. I thought I’d share a few that have helped me, in hopes that they will help you too!

1. Make it fun! Maybe I’m just a kid at heart, because although I know I could just power through and get the job done, a big part of me says, “why not make it fun?” This is where your creativity comes into play and the sky’s the limit, ladies! What would make this task A LOT of fun for you? Turning on the music and dancing while you go at it? (Yes, even if your children laugh at you!) Listening to a podcast while you work away? Or how about making it into a game? A few other ideas: I purposely buy my favorite scents for cleaning so I can relish the process more. And I’ve been known to let my mind wander as I work while planning a fun family frolic for the future.

2. Better with a buddy – Whether this is your husband, a child, or a really good friend, sometimes it is just easier as well as a lot more fun to tackle the work or a project with a friend in tow. While they help to shoulder the burden, you both enjoy conversation and even a few good laughs. Not only do you get something done that needs doing, but somehow, it seems less of a chore. And of course, the added bonus is that you simultaneously build a stronger relationship. When all is said and done, remember that turn around is fair play – you can offer to help them with what they need as well!

3. Set the timer – Sometimes the main problem is that I am overwhelmed. Have you been there? It just seems like there is too much to do, and where in the world do I start? So, instead of procrastinating, I tell myself, “I will only work for ten minutes at top speed, and then, if I feel like it, I can stop.” And sometimes I do just that and I honestly feel better because the task at hand is now significantly smaller and easier for the next time I have to face it. Other times, however, just rolling up my sleeves and really digging in produces momentum and my motivation soars. (Super Mom powers activate!) I find my mind actually enjoying the process and I don’t want to stop!

4. Reward yourself – I know that some people might look at this as “bribery,” but somehow, I don’t mind doing something if I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel: What sounds inspiring to you? bubble bath? a short nap? a few minutes with a good book? Or maybe a little snuggle time with your child? Make yourself a deal you can’t refuse, then follow through with it! A word of caution: While I have to admit I “love me” some chocolate, I would suggest steering away from food as a reward (at least on a constant basis) as we all know that would be trading one problem for another. And if all else fails, remember YOUR WHY! Think of the faces of your beautiful family and what they mean to you. You are worth it! They are worth it! Therein lies a reward in and of itself!

5. Reach out – If you find that your motivation is low for extended periods don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Goodness knows we ALL need it from time to time! What might this look like for you? Are you lonely? Who could you call for a good old-fashioned chat? Do you feel overwhelmed? Could you arrange for a sitter so you can hit your list head on? And what if you feel like sitting in bed day after day for weeks? If so, there is no shame in scheduling a trip to the doctor to help rule out or treat depression. Believe me, I’ve been there and I can assure you that there is help for you. You are not alone!

No matter what strategies you decide upon, I have faith that you WILL find a way. You can do this! You are enough and that magical motivation you need is waiting just around the corner. . .

Photo by Edward Cisneros on Unsplash

Five Ways to Handle a Bad Mom Day

By Samantha Allred Anyone who has spent an entire day with kids knows that it can be overwhelming and difficult. Most days are full of laughter, playing, and joy. But some days are full of tears and tantrums – all day long. On those bad days, it is easy to start down a spiral of stress and frustration and those emotions have a huge impact on our kids. That’s why it is important to know how to change your bad days into good days. Here are a few tips you can try the next time you’re having a rough day at home with the kids: 1. Get Outside! If you’re cranky, then the kids are probably cranky too. Dishes and laundry can wait for an hour while you take the kids on a walk or to the park. Let your kids run, soak up some sun, and explore. Being outside is a fantastic mood lifter. 2. Set the Timer for Ten Minutes If you are feeling overwhelmed with a to-do list a mile long, tell the kids you are setting the timer for ten minutes, invite them to help, and do everything you can before the timer goes off. Do the dishes, tidy up, switch the laundry over, take out the trash, sweep the kitchen, or whatever else is an immediate need. You will be surprised at how much you are able to accomplish in a short amount of time. When the timer goes off, stop your chores and focus on your kids. In a few hours, set the timer again. After a few ten minute sessions, hopefully you will have most of your chores done. 3.Talk to Someone Adult relationships in motherhood are so important. Talking to a friend about life can be a great stress reliever. We all require connection to thrive and it can be hard to feel connected when you only talk to tiny humans all day. Make sure you can talk to somebody about your struggles, your hobbies, your current favorite TV show, or whatever else you want! Consider joining a facebook group or a support group for mothers in your area. 4. Listen to some Mood-Boosting Music Music has been proven time and time again to distract us from fatigue and exhaustion, elevate our mood, lessen anxiety, and even improve our health. Play a favorite album, find some fun action songs to get the kids moving, or have an impromptu dance party in the kitchen. 5. Give Yourself Grace Remember that you are a good mom. Having a bad day as a mom does not define you. You are allowed to feel stressed and overwhelmed. Everybody has bad days occasionally. Let your kids see you practice the important skill of turning a bad day into a good day. If you find yourself having bad days more frequently, make sure you make yourself a priority by taking a break and practicing self care. You cannot pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first. Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

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