By Kandis Lake, RN, BSN

Parenting can be challenging for everyone, but parenting with a chronic or life altering illness brings a unique set of difficulties. It is important for you to accept outside support and take it easy on yourself. Realize there are many simple ways you can be an amazing parent, even if you’re not feeling up to doing many activities.

Use Outside Support

Don’t hesitate to seek and accept outside help. Get help with childcare, housework, meals, or whatever you feel in need of. 

It has been found that new mothers with outside support are more optimistic about parenting. That finding could apply to any stage or situation in parenting, and it makes sense that if you’re more optimistic about something you will feel happier doing it. If you’re happier parenting, you will show up in more positive ways for your child. Because of this, accepting help will benefit not only you, but your child as well.

It could be beneficial to talk to a trusted person about your feelings surrounding your difficult circumstance. If you’re struggling to cope, you may benefit from seeing a counselor who can help you work through your emotions.

Take it Easy on Yourself

Taking care of a child is a lot of hard work. It is more consuming physically, emotionally, and mentally than any other job. Add illness on top of it, and there is no doubt a need for as much rest as possible. Let yourself rest whenever you can without feeling guilty about it.

Focus On The Ways You Can Parent Well

You may feel disappointed or feel a loss if you are unable to do active physical activities with your child. It’s okay to feel that way, but it is important to remember that your value as a parent isn’t dependent on how much or what things you do. You can love your kid and bond with them in many simple yet profound ways.

Find ways to make deep and meaningful connections with your child through spending time together. Some ways bonding can occur without expending a lot of physical energy can include snuggling on the couch, talking, reading, or drawing together. 

You could take turns telling stories. Try pulling up a list of questions for your child to answer, and as a bonus, audio record them giving their answers on your phone as a form of journaling. Listen to audiobooks together (you can check them out online from the library) or a podcast with children’s stories. Color, draw, or watch movies together. 

Having a secure relationship with your child will bring many benefits for both of you. Your child will have an increased feeling of stability and confidence, have resilience in difficult times, and a better ability to navigate difficult emotions. Connecting with your child will bring you joy and fulfillment amidst the difficulties of your illness.

Hugging and cuddling your child even has benefits for both of you. Hugging and cuddling causes the brain to release a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin contributes to bonding with others and has many other health benefits as well. Oxytocin has been known to decrease stress, bring blood pressure down, increase pain tolerance, and help with anxiety. 

Conclusion

As a parent with a chronic or life altering illness, you deserve to go easy on yourself. Don’t hesitate to seek and accept the outside support you need, as this will benefit you and your child. Focus on all the ways you can parent well, and do those things to create meaningful connections with your child.

Sources

Crnic, K. A., Greenburg, M. T., Ragozin, A. S., Robinson, N. M., & Basham, R. B. (1983, Feb.). Effects of Stress and Social Support on Mothers and Premature and Full-Term Infants. Child Development, 54(1), 209-217. 10.2307/1129878

Uvnas-Moberg, K., & Petersson, M. (2005). Oxytocin, ein Vermittler von Antistress, Wohlbefinden, sozialer Interaktion, Wachstum und Heilung [Oxytocin, a mediator of anti-stress, well-being, social interaction, growth and healing]. Z Psychosom Med Psychother, 51(1), 57-80. 10.13109/zptm.2005.51.1.57

Photo by Trung Nhan Tran on Unsplash

By Samantha Allred

Thanks to thousands of British families, two child psychologists, and a Grammy award-winning artist we now have a song that is scientifically proven to make your baby happy. Parents across the U.K. were asked to list which sounds make their babies laugh. Their responses included sneezing, animal sounds, and babies’ laughter, which are all included in “The Happy Song” by Imogen Heap. 

Not only is this song scientifically proven to make babies happy, but it is approved by my one-year-old as well. Anytime she gets fussy in the car I put on this song and it immediately distracts her and makes her happy. Give it a try with your little one during playtime, mealtime, or when you are on a drive.

Photo by Juan Encalada on Unsplash

Hi, I’m Regan Barnes from Momivate, and this is your two-minute Mom Tip empowering you to elevate your mothering experience.

Check out this quote by Anna Quindlen, Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalist and mother:

Cherish the doing a little more, 
and the getting it done a little less! 

 I love this quote.

Too often, I’m trying so hard to get a bunch of stuff crossed off the to-do list, thinking that once those check-marks are there, I’ll be able to do the fun stuff.

Really, though, as a mom, the list just keeps growing… and that can be a suffocating feeling.

I joke about that with my kiddos, because the laundry is never really done — unless we take a day to run around naked! 

Okay, so nudity might be slightly inappropriate — but ya gotta admit, there’s nothin’ like a dancin’ two-year-old’s flubby blubber! 

That might be a more appropriate way to cherish the doing a little more — make the doing a little more fun. Turn up the music! Let’s Dance!

I’ll let myself eat a little chocolate during the doing, not just as a reward afterwards!

Take time to teach the little ones how to do the doing… they want to know, really they do! And that counts as quality time, during the doing!

What ideas do you have to help us all as fellow moms cherish the doing a little more? Motherhood is full of doing so let’s help each other enjoy the journey by deliberately cherishing the doing… then share if this practice elevates your mothering!

Photo by Svitlana on Unsplash